why i can’t be poly right now:
when i was poly it was like — i was finding bits and pieces of the love that i wanted, in different people. i was also finding bits and pieces of the love that was lacking, the ones that i already had but couldn’t yet figure out how to give to myself. so i was poly not because i had so much love, i was lacking it and was looking to other people and using their bodies and hearts to fill myself up. but i was filling myself up with other peoples’ desires and dreams in order to feel whole, i used being poly as a buffer to prevent intimacy so i don’t get hurt. but it had the opposite effect — i hurt myself and people around me. all of these things i need to critically ask myself why before i can say yes to poly again.
houseofkarekare posted this