does it ever get easier? will I ever have a job that doesn't make me feel worn down and defeated every day? Every day at work I feel like a failure in some new way. I feel my body falling apart. Standing and biking hurt my knees. I want to spend the rest of my life in bed but also travel the world. Sometimes theres something beautiful about letting your body decay. I used to not wash my face only when I went out and came home at 1 AM or was spending the night at a boy's, now I do it because the extra three minutes in front of the mirror are just too much.   I want to cut my hair off and braid it long at the same time. I don't have a five year plan which is part of the problem. but whats the point of a five year plan when you know everything will change by then? aren't we all just supposed to go with the flow? I feel like the past two years have been a wash professionally. I honestly have no idea how my idea of myself in 5 years at 20 has changed so much in that amount of time. what have I done?