This time last year I was completely broken. I had just lost a love that I thought was endless. I watched the person i thought was meant for me, move on to love someone new. I had no one to talk to. I had no one to turn to. Too many people telling me to get over it, and not enough even trying to be understanding of the position i was in. everyone thought i was as strong as i thought i was. or as strong as i thought i use to be. I became more and more of an introvert. I stayed to myself. I battled my own thoughts. I let nothing out. I was working a job that made me literally miserable. I was in school, trying to figure it out.. trying to figure out what i wanted for my life. my parents were going through a break up, that i probably should have been ready for.. but the timing was off. my heart wasn’t ready for any form of abandonment. and not too long after, my best friend decided to move to Australia. i was lost. and i had no idea what i wanted.. i had no ambition to do anything more than the bare minimum.. even if i could figure out what i wanted to do with my life. i was weak. but what i remember the most - was one night, getting super faded and hopping in the shower. I was on my tubs floor crying my heart out. I kept asking “Why God? Why me?” I thought I was a victim. I thought I was being played with. I thought I was being punished, nonetheless. But then I became angry. So angry that almost immediately, my life changed. After a half hours worth of tears, I completely shut down and had an outer body experience. I looked at myself, from the outside in and said “What the fuck are you crying for?” followed with “You thought this shit would be easy?” and everything changed. I got out of the shower, looked myself in the mirror and prayed. My entire tone changed, from “why are you doing this to me?” to “I get it now. I may not know.. I may not see.. the reasoning behind everything, but I’m trusting.” That night I washed away all the sorrow, all the pity, all the doubt, and all the fear every bone in me could carry. That night I won the biggest battle ever thrown at me. and I kept on. Day by day I got stronger. I forced myself to become wiser. I kept busy at all hours trying to do almost anything i could to keep from allowing myself to wander back to that broken state of mind. I read book after book. I fell in love with characters. I hiked mountain after mountain, ran mile after mile.. I fell in love with my physical. then.. i set goals. i became hungry. hungry for change. hungry for growth. i became eager to feel love from within. i wanted nothing more than to love my own self, more than anyone could ever love me.. and also.. more than i could ever love anyone in return. then i started writing. in the process, and in the midst, of everything i became so lost in my journey that heartbreak was so far in the past i forgot what hurt felt like. I forgot what it felt like, to feel anyone or anything deeply. then i remembered. i remembered that night I asked God “why me?” and the deepest chills ran through my body. although it took months for me to receive any sort of response, when i did.. i was ready. and i was willing to take it in.. and i was willing to understand it. why me? well because i have the power of tongue. i have the power of vulnerability. i have the power to act so transparently that people forget i’m human too. everyone forgets i’m normal, too. ‘me’ because i lived my life asking God to “use” me. I spoke these words. I asked God for a purpose, and i asked that in fulfilling that purpose he stand by me. he walk with me. so here i am. one year later. in love. with a man who i mean everything to. happier. than i’ve ever been. financially stable. spiritually balanced. emotionally ready. and open. for any and everything. releasing “I love my love” was never ever supposed to be the breakthrough of my career. my intentions were never to sell a million copies.. all i wanted was to tell my stories, by doing what i started first. writing spoken word. writing how i felt. telling stories about the heart aches i’ve been through. the shit that I’ve seen. let people know that my background isn’t peaches and cream. i come from a fucked up situation, but look at where it brought me. seriously, look at where life brought me. i heal hearts. i ease minds. i inspire. i’m living out my dreams. no more shitty jobs. no more cruel bosses. no more studying for classes that will never and have never ever filled my soul. I’m fucking happy dude. who would’ve known.