February 16, 2013

it just hurts so much. i don’t like too many people. I liked you and i thought something good was going to come out of it. i was so wrong. you’re now with her.i’m not saying this because you’re together but she is honestly just so insane. i know you can do better and i know i’d make you happier than she ever could. i guess you’ll never know that though. i shouldve told you when we hungout. i shouldve. i can only blame myself though i never did tell you that i liked you. i wonder if things would’ve changed, i really do. im just so confused because you used to tell me how much of a try hard she is and how much of a bad person she is and now you’re dating. i cant’t even bring myself to say it. you’re taken. i like you so much you have no idea. everyone tells me we have a connection and i know for a fact you feel it. im sorry im not skinny. if i was skinny i know we wouldve been together. i keep telling myself that i will lose weight but its just so hard. nobody gets it. my body wasnt just given to me as skinny i have to work to become it. just the timing i guess is just so bad. when i see you together honestly i dont know how im going to be able to handle myself. im crying in hysterics now. when i read that text message i started crying. my little sister asked if everything was okay i simply locked my phone and said that im fine. no, im not fine. it hurts so much. i doubt youre going to tell me. i want to just stop talking to you but for its nearly impossible. youre all i think about. i know this is going to have to change because i cant have you and you dont even want me. i want to tell you i like you but only in person i will. we were going to hangout today. but you couldnt because of her. it all makes sense now. if i was alone with you that night in the car things wouldve been different, i know it. we wouldve kissed. we wouldve been alone in the car at night. something wouldve happened. now im going to have to put on a smile at dinner. i just want to be with someone. i want to feel loved. i want to make someoen feel loved. i hope love finds me soon. but more importantly i hope i get skinny soon. that will solve so many problems