I am....
~ Engulfed in the Utopia of writers and writing, art and creativity.... engrossed in the cobweb of thoughts....weaving in and out through the little intricacies of life ~
The winds of change are rife amongst the clouds again, Waving their fiery hands through pillows of white, Disrupting the soft twinkling of the stars and dropping like meteors, creating craters around my feet…
Its funny how incredibly full of change my life has begun to be. And although I’ll still blog about it, whine about it and sit despondently wondering why everyone has to leave, I’m going to avoid a Peyton-esque breakdown and instead of drawing dark angels and scribbling ‘everyone leaves’ all over the place, I’ll limit my adieu’s to a more cheery, accepting sort.
There are first times that wander slowly through us Breaking through initial reserves but still falling short of perfection
My first day at work, I remember sitting at lunch with a handful of people I hardly knew, watching them eat, painfully noting down quirks and habits at the back of my mind and wondering how I was going to let this become my life. Not because I didn’t like any of them, but because I didn’t see work as a place to make friends, to form relationships or even to spend hours laughing at the silliest things, like I’ve ended up doing with you.
Fair weather friends that you’re expected to leave where you made them - at work, offices friendships are not the sort of friendships that you think are going to stick. There’s a few that break past the usual conventions though – and then there’s really nothing like it…
The curtain’s drawn back and everything is still but for the quiver of the wind And a silence that breathes in comfort
To say I’ve had just one perennial friend through the first few years of my adult life (because for me, starting work is the benchmark of being an adult, no matter how young or old you are when you begin) would be a tad insulting and a bit unfair to all the other really good friends I’ve made. But, there’s just one or two that stand out and any change involving them hits you a little harder than most.
So let’s get off the rambling horse and begin the little bit that involves a more mellow, sing-a-long tone. Not quite as melancholy or foreboding as the title to the piece perhaps, but with a little dash of ‘goodbye to you my trusted friend’ thrown in there, a line that’s haunted me for a couple of days now, but accompanied by a strange tinkle of laughter that’s astonishingly different from the expected tears that one would imagine complimenting it.
The worst part about change is that it always involves someone leaving or something, well, changing. And as easy as it normally is to spew out words, to etch little memories into my mind and spit them out through the fingers tapping away incessantly at a keyboard, there are some changes that warrant a slower, but more chaotic chain of thought. I’ve never stopped so many times to wonder how to write something down, gone over moments in my head to see which one fits the short space that I’ve been given to say a cheery goodbye. I’m going to go with none at all, because none are minor enough to delete from an account and most will leave everyone with that sickly sweet feeling – I’d rather have you not throw up after reading this, you see.
Quietly the sun dips, the horizon changing to fit our own tune Dusk and dawn merging for time to stop because we wished it together
Seeing you everyday will change, but that doesn’t mean the end of the world, or us. But, through all the positivity, something will change and a lot will be missed. There will be times I’ll wish you could light up a bad day, send a one-liner to make me smile and cheer me up on a cloudy Wednesday with a cup of coffee and an interesting story. We’ve traveled so much, (metaphorically) interweaving the past with the present, bringing up sunny futures when we draw our own dreams of the future. Knowing you a lifetime is not something I can hold claim to, but knowing you well is something I’m proud of being able to say. And at the risk of being incredibly sappy, knowing you at all is something I’m always going to be grateful for.
Often, someone comes along that you can share absolutely everything with, which is almost scary. It takes time of course, to move beyond the initial impulse to bare your soul and wait till you know it’s actually going to be worth it in the long run. And when it is, it’s a feeling like no other, something I’ve been lucky to have for a little less than two years now – a time period that seems shockingly short and one which hopefully, will continue to grow. And for that someone, there’s nothing you can say that will ever be enough, but the best part is – you almost don’t have to say anything at all.
They’re settling slowly, the winds. Making way for everything to move past for us to jump over open craters and fall back into the steady rhythm.
Making friends is not difficult; it’s keeping them - that’s the challenge. Albeit, when you’re at the same job, working almost the same hours and spending more than half of your day together – it’s easy to think you’re going to be friends forever. But there’s this gut feeling, this slight pricking at the back of my mind that I usually ignore, pinning it down to loving someone a little too much only just when they’re about to leave.
This time though, I think I just might open up the vault and believe a little more. There are no tears (yet?!) and less sadness, and it might be denial that will jump out at me on Monday. But right now, I’m going to pin it down to a real friendship and a little more faith than usual.
“There are no goodbyes for us.” [- Mahatma Gandhi]