I cannot tell a lie
Yesterday my son found out how bad a lie makes you feel. A little white lie to spare someone’s feelings is still okay in my book but in lies in general eat away at your insides. They can literally make you feel sick.
Case in point, last night at dinnertime my 5 year old son threw his usual fit over being told his computer time for the day was officially over. My husband, tired of this daily struggle, told him to think it over quietly in the bedroom then get his tush to the dinner table. The rest of us sat down for a mildly relaxing meal listening to the occasional protest coming from the bedroom until finally it stopped. Convinced that Alonzo was calm enough to come join us, my husband walked into the bedroom to find our little boy shaking and upset. When he got to the table he was whimpering and grabbing for me, clutching his stomach saying he wasn’t hungry. I immediately thought this was a ploy, after all he is “conveniently” sick as soon as he gets to the table? He appeared just fine minutes before when he was happily playing video games on the computer. Hmmmmm……..
But the act continued very convincingly so we shuffled him off to the living room, wondering if his stomach really hurt him after all. He also complained that he was having trouble breathing. We let him lay down on the couch and tried to get him to relax and finally my husband said he was going over to the store to see if there wasn’t some type of Pepto Bismol for kids that might help.
After a few minutes on the couch resting, my son started fidgeting and then asked me if he could sleep on the couch tonight. Pretty soon after he sat up and seemed to be feeling better. Then he told me he needed to go outside and begged me to join him. As I followed him outside he said, “Mommy I need to tell you something.” Here we go. I knew he wasn’t sick, just upset…. “Yes, honey, what is it?” I calmly reply. “Mommy, I broke the lamp in the bedroom. When I was mad I spit on the light and it broke.”
Now the picture starts coming together. We head to the bedroom and sure enough the bulb in bedside lamp has shattered into pieces. The whole thing must have exploded when Alonzo spit on it. I didn’t get mad. Why? Clearly the lie had been festering inside my son, so much so he had made himself sick. The explosion must have frightened him and the thought of what Mommy would say when she saw her lamp broken and what Daddy would say about what he had done was enough to make him think keeping it a secret was the best option. This isn’t how I want my son to feel. He kept checking in with me to see if I was mad but I told him I believed he had a already learned his lesson, that lying makes you feel awful, truly sick to your stomach. It also taught me that the idea of punishment or reprimand has made him worried about being honest. I’ve read that punishment is not the answer to behavioral issues and the concept was front and center last night. Time to consult my tried and true (and wrinkled) copy of How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
Immediately after unloading the truth Alonzo was 100% cured! He was chatty Cathy, telling me everything he had felt and thought when the light exploded, how he was scared and out of breath, how the incident made him have a virus that hurt his body, and that he now felt hungry and ready to eat. My husband comes home to this “miracle” and I tell him to not get mad but what really happened was……
He gave Alonzo some Pepto Bismol anyway.