Real Sexy
This is a blog about sexiness.
I know, I know. Who could be a more authoritative, relevant source on the subject than this chiseled essence of raw manliness*? Nobody, that’s who.
What inspired me to write about sexiness, besides all the fan mail requests, was actually a song I put on a playlistˆ of my favorite lady songs. The song’s called “Lifelong Fling” by Over The Rhine. I realized that the singer, Karin Bergquist, had something special going on. It was sexy. But what made it so?
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If I know anything about sexiness˚, it’s this: sexy is all about being comfortable in your own skin.
This ability to carry a relaxed sense of self-approval starts with having self-awareness. Self-awareness, as I’ll define it˙, means knowing yourself so that you can be yourself. In my mind, this is quite different from self-consciousness, which is about knowing yourself so that you can change yourself. Self-consciousness is the anti-sexy, because it is inherently restless. Being self-aware, on the other hand, allows a person to settle on who they are.
I think true sexiness is Godly. Lemme splain.
Besides giving God our highest priority, the greatest command He gives us is to love our neighbors as ourselves. Loving ourselves is not a just a nice thing, it’s actually a paramount requirement for wholeness. And also sexiness.
Here’s what I’m thinking: Self-awareness –> Self-love –> Confidence –> Sexiness.
I’ve talked about confidence before, so I won’t go into great lengths here. But I’ll reiterate that a sure sign of confidence is the ability to withhold. It’s alluring. What makes a song sexy is what the musician doesn't play. That’s what draws us in, what keeps us wanting more.
That’s what kills me about certain pop divasª. They are so talented, yet they lack confidence. They wouldn’t admit self-consciousness, but their incessant, non-musical display of vocal gymnastics gives them away. Each song is a means to prove that they are worthy of a listening ear, so they bare all. And what’s worse, their musical insecurity is often mirrored by an overtly risqué wardrobe. Both are symptoms of a lack of confidence, and both are tragically un-sexy.
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Because sexiness is all about being comfortable with yourself, everyone has the potential to be sexy. It will just look different from person to person.
It’s that way musically, too. So I’ll wrap up this sexy post with a lil’ Spotify playlist of artists who, in their own way, display what sexiness really is. Enjoy.
1. “Lifelong Fling” - Over The Rhine. Great news for white women everywhere: singing with soul does not mean trying to sound like a black person. I hereby release you from trying to convince us you’re white chocolate. As I said earlier, this lady knows how to stay within herself. She’s not Whitney, and she doesn’t try to be. She doesn’t want to be. She’d rather be herself. And that is sexy.
2. “(You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman” - Carole King. This song is brilliant, which is why the divas cover it. But they can’t touch the original. There’s something special about the honesty in King’s expression, the vulnerability in her tone that captures what so few female artists do these days. She sings like she’s got nothing to prove. The love of her man reveals a love she has for herself. And it sounds like freedom.
3. “Everybody Here Wants You” - Jeff Buckley. Restraint. Even with a sensitive falsetto, there is a manly confidence he shows by holding back, taking his time. “I’ll be waiting right here just to show you…” Listen to the drums. How many cymbal crashes are there? How many fills? Exactly. It’s about confidence.
4. “My Love” - Justin Timberlake. JT is the great white hope. Probably the coolest white person I’ve ever seen. Watch the video. I could talk about why this is sexy, but we both know that’s unnecessary.
5. “When Did You Fall” - Chris Rice. Not all of us are gonna be Justin Timberlake. Thankfully, sexiness doesn’t depend on our ability to do the robot. This song is drastically different from a bump & grind groove, but it’s no less sexy. It’s endearing. It’s essentially a musical You’ve Got Mail.
6. “The Way - feat. Mike Phillips” - Jill Scott. It’s about how you say it. She gets it. Scott could do vocal gymnastics with the best of them, but what she gives us is even more impressive. Her phrasing is so utterly sultry that I fell out of my chair listening to her sing about breakfast. Amazing. If you haven’t heard this live version, you gotta catch the Mike Phillips sax solo. He puts on a clinic of musical sexiness. I could dedicate an entire post to it and still not capture it with words. BONUS NOTE: the bass fill at 2:07. You’re welcome.
7. “Lady” - D'Angelo. When you own it, you don’t ever have to strive for it. When you can make a groove feel this good, why not keep it the same for 6 minutes?
Dancing uninhibitedly by myself,
B
* read: dorky white virgin
ˆ My friend told me that I hardly ever talk about female artists I love and challenged me to compile a healthy playlist of my favorite she-songs. I’ll probably share the playlist on here soon, if you’re interested.
˚ remember, I said if.
˙ did I look up the actual definition? Sure. I looked it up in my gut.
ª I was gonna throw out a name, but dishonoring people just isn’t sexy.
