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Miss Manners on: Notes of No Thanks

Q: I wrote a thank-you note to a co-worker over a year and a half ago, and just this week it came back with a sticky note attached that said, “I am returning this card to you with the spirit in which it was given.” What does this mean? Is it a true thank-you, or a slap in the face? I am confused; I have never gotten a thank-you note back, and she held on to it for almost two years.

Miss Manners says: Nothing good can come from sentiments exchanged on sticky notes. Evidently, this person thought that your thank-you note was somehow sarcastic and has decided to take it as an insult. Miss Manners suggests that you ignore it. If you still work with the writer and your curiosity gets the better of you, you may ask if you inadvertently offended her. But if the answer is yes, please resist the urge to write, “I’m sorry” on yet another sticky note.

Your Head Bitch says: Guuurrrrl, that is straight crazy. Like, major league crazy. Who keeps and seethes over a thank you note for two years while plotting their post-it note based revenge? Like, full on mental patients, that’s who. Which is why Miss Manners is right, you should avoid mentioning it to her at all costs. It will turn into some crazy passive-aggressive battle, and as entertaining as it might be for your co-workers, it will be terrible for you, not to mention super unprofessional. My only advice to you is to read over that thank you note carefully to see what she might have taken issue with and maybe avoid saying that in future thank you notes. If you can’t find anything, ask a trusted friend to read it for you and see what she thinks. If neither of you can find anything, assume you aren’t really at fault, but still – proceed with caution around your co-worker. Don’t put your coffee down near her, is all I’m saying.

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And maybe let other people go through doors first for a while.

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