Q:I find it extremely annoying to be separated from my spouse at the dinner table at my mother’s house. This seems like an old tradition. We like to touch and talk and do not talk about the kids, the dog or work, but we feel isolated and controlled when told where to sit. I would never dream of telling a guest where to sit. Isn’t the job of the hostess to make sure the guest is comfortable? What do you think? She knows we don’t like it but does it on purpose.

Miss Manners says: What about the discomfort you cause those who do not want to watch you and your husband touching each other? And do the others at the table like it when you ignore the opportunity to be with them in favor of someone you see every day? Of course it is the job of the hostess to tell everyone where to sit, in the interest of promoting general sociability. You have provided Miss Manners with an illustration of why this is necessary.

Your Head Bitch says: Ugh, few things annoy me as much as people who say to me very haughtily that they “would never tell a guest where to sit.” Uh, congratulations? You’ve just told me that you throw terrible dinner parties. Great. Look, deciding on the placement (the traditional French term for a seating arrangement) is almost as important as deciding what to serve for dinner. You place people you think will get along near one another in an effort to encourage different and interesting conversations. People are predictable. If you leave them to their own devices, they will sit with the same people, tell the same stories, and have the same conversations. Why even throw a dinner party again if it’s just going to be the same shit time after time? 

Partners are not placed next to each other because they are particularly bad about this kind of thing. They will talk about things that are only of interest to them, in spite the fact that no one else cares, because they have a person to talk to built in. They will inevitably bicker. Even the most sparkling conversationalists will fall into old patterns if seated with someone they are intimate with because those are the people you don’t have to always be sparkly with. Even worse, if there is a lull, rather than keeping things flowing, couples frequently revert to just talking to one another, which is both rude and boring for those around them. Add awkwardly feeling each other up at the table into the mix, and you’ve got a recipe for a terrible dinner party. So quit your bitching. Talk about who is going to pick the kids up from soccer in the car on the way home, and have a real conversation with the people your hostess thinks you might like when you’re at a dinner party. Sit with someone new. Learn something new. You get to spend a lot of time being a couple, so enjoy the opportunity to just be you for a bit.

Really, you can’t go 2 hours without touching each other? Really?