Q: If a lady is going quietly about her business and a man unknown to her intrudes on her thoughts with, “Hi, how are you today?,” I’m sure you’d advise her to ignore him. But what response do you recommend if one is accosted not on a public street but in the aisle of one’s local supermarket - whose employees have undoubtedly been instructed to make these overtures to customers? The last time this occurred, I happened to be contemplating some unpleasant medical news I’d been given an hour earlier and had difficulty summoning a polite response. I don’t mind chatting with my favorite cashiers (those who haven’t yet been replaced by machines) as I check out, and I appreciate the managers who help me if I’m having trouble finding an item. The rest of the time, I’d rather be left in peace. What should I do?

Miss Manners says: Nod pleasantly. There is a significant difference between an attempt to make friends by strangers on the street and a conventional greeting from the employee of a store you have entered.  Conversation is not necessary - you need merely to nod before you speed down the aisle.

Your Head Bitch says: Well, we all know how I feel about men who attempt to intrude on a lady’s personal space when she’s doing nothing but giving out signals that she wants to be left alone. But, as Miss Manners rightly pointed out, that’s not at all what’s going on in this situation – it is not a man “accosting” you, it is a man doing his job. People who work in retail are instructed– or, more accurately, ordered on pain of firing – to greet customers politely and make sure they know the employees are there to help if they need anything. They are not being “pushy,” as many people (quite infuriatingly) like to claim. They are just doing their job and trying to get along, like everyone else. Beyond that, since you are presumably a regular at this grocery store, perhaps the employee recognized you and was simply being a normal friendly person who does as most normal friendly people do – say hello to those he recognizes in his place of business. So rude. I mean, how dare he, really.

But what you have not realized is that your bad news has nothing at all to do with any of this. While you have my sympathy for your problems, unfortunate, annoying, and upsetting things happen to people all day every day. They do not, however, exempt any of us from polite interaction with those around us who do not know, and can not know, what might be bothering us. Nor do they need to know. Smile, and say “I’m well [or fine, if you really want to be self-pitying], thanks, and you?” His response will probably be the same thing back to you and he’ll go along his way. Don’t give me this nonsense about how you have to “come up with” a polite response, you already know exactly what the fuck you should say in response to this question. It’s the same thing you would say to any other person who asked you that same question when you were in a good mood. Your mood should not affect how you treat other people. Period. No rule of etiquette requires you to be chummy, but you, at the very least, have to be polite. And remember that people who work in the service industry are people too. Treat them like it.

And if you treat service people poorly even when you’re in a good mood, we’re REALLY going to have a problem with one another.

**A big BPBTY welcome to all the new followers we gained on Friday! We’re glad you’re all here. If you ever have any etiquette questions, hit a bitch up at bpbtyquestions [at] gmail. xo HB