Q: I am the other woman in the life of a man I am seeing, and I want to be the first woman. He seems to like us equally and to be indifferent as to which woman occupies which position. He and I went out on our first date at a time when he and she weren’t getting along and he thought they were going to break up. So he went out with me, and here we are. How do I get her out of the way?

Miss Manners says: Other than hiring a hit man? Miss Manners is many things, but she assures you she is not that. Why you would want to be with a man who has shown such lack of discrimination in his romantic attachments is beyond her. Apparently it has not occurred to you that if you were able to eliminate your rival, you would create a job opening.

Your Head Bitch says: Girl, WHAT?! Um, I’m sorry, this dude is “indifferent” to which of you is his main girlfriend (a mind-boggling concept in its own right) and it’s still a position you aspire to? Chica, I’m not going to sit here and feed you some bullshit about waiting for a Disney prince or whatever, but you at the very least deserve to be with a dude who, you know, is interested in being your boyfriend in the first damn place! If he can’t muster up the energy to care about you, I say fuck him (figuratively, not literally). If you’re really happy in this relationship, then that’s your choice, but I can promise you, even without having met you, that you deserve better. My advice would be not to get rid of your “rival” (which, just for the record, is a false conflict fostered by a patriarchal society. Boo! Hiss!) but to get out of there yourself. Besides, there’s certainly no “polite” way to get rid of another of your boyfriend’s girlfriends – that’s a question best posed to Hugh Hefner’s advice column, not mine.

Because this shit ALWAYS ends well.