Q: I (female, professional) volunteered as a coat-check person for an auction fundraiser for a not-for-profit group. Was it appropriate for me to offer to help people put their coats on after I retrieved them? When my “customers” were a couple (man and woman), I’d offer the obviously feminine coat to the man to allow him to help the lady with her coat. Rarely did he seem happy to take it. One man said, “Nope! That’s HER coat.” Was I wrong to give the women’s coats to the men? The event was formal, “black tie.”

Miss Manners says: Miss Manners understands the confusion of the gentleman who is handed a stole while you retain his wool overcoat. Surrender both coats to the person who asked for them. A gentleman who has the courtesy to help a lady on with her coat no doubt has the dexterity to juggle his own coat while doing so.

Your Head Bitch says: Confession time – I absolutely loathe when someone holds up my coat to “help” me put it on. I’ve been putting on coats all by myself for many years, thank you (and I don’t even lose my mittens anymore!), and having to put it on backwards all of a sudden fucks up my whole rhythm. I do not look graceful and ladylike in this situation, I look like a freshly caught salmon trying to flop its way into a tube sock. It’s not cute.  I find it so much harder to have someone put my coat on me that now, when a gentleman tries to help me with my coat, I’ve just taken to smiling and saying, “Oh, you’re too kind, but I’ll just take it, thank you.” If I’m really struggling to find the other sleeve, I genuinely do appreciate it if a gentleman will hold up the shoulder and straighten the coat out for me, but that’s about it. Anything else is like having someone put a straightjacket on you.

Where were we? Oh, coat checks, right. The person running coat check is not responsible for putting coats on people, no, because there’s usually a divider between you anyway. Take all of the items for the check number you were given (pro tip for the gentlemen – fold the tip underneath when you hand over the coat check number, it saves any awkward fumbling around later) and hand them to the person who handed you the claim number. They’ll figure out the rest from there. He can hand the lady her coat if he’d prefer (or if she would!), or he can put it on her. Your only job in this situation is to keep people from riffling through their pockets while they have dinner, not to try and force the men to put coats on their dates.

And yes, you should always tip the coat check, no matter if it leads to Justin’s demise or not.