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#oh ffs #I love you Mallory
Belial: this place sucks
Satan: a of all
no it doesn’t
YOU suck
and b of all
this place rules
and we can be whatever we want here
we don’t just have to be angels
we can literally all be kings here
Belial: yeah okay
Satan: i mean
you can’t
i’m the king
so the king is already...
im sherlock holmes lets solve crimes but definitely not have feelings
oh im learning what friendship is and also solving crime at the same time
what a surprising turn of events
i prefer scarves to people, make a GIF of me
i don’t have time for social niceties OR the authority of the Pope
young Henry VIII was one Benedict Cumberbatch-looking son of a bitch is what I’m trying to say
what the hell is this
i dont know but im getting them too
we better close the gym
these bumps might be contagious
Martin Prince, is his finest and truest self, is un-put-downable. He will always hand Nelson another invitation to his birthday party. He will always bake another batch of Raisin Roundies for Mrs. Krabappel after she feeds them to Bart’s dog. He will dress up like the muse of poetry for Halloween, knowing full well it’s going to earn him a beating, every time. And you can kick him, and you can punch him, and you can break his face, but you can’t change the way he feels.
You can’t keep a good man down.
KING HENRY: are you ever going to stop partying
HAL: im not partying
its IRONIC
KING HENRY: you’re partying right now
HAL: only as a commentary on partying
KING HENRY: that doesn’t make any sense
HAL: doesnt it
FALSTAFF: do u want to get high
HAL: yeah
but only because then everyone will be really impressed when i stop getting high
FALSTAFF: what
HAL: its a plan i came up with when i was high
MONK #1: oh remind me what jesus looked like again
MONK #2: protractor and a compass mixed together with a head on it
MONK #1: right right
“What A Successful Harvest This Was, Let’s Not Rape Anybody”
“The Sailor Who Died Of Old Age (Not Because Of A Weird Old-Age Curse Either, He Really Lived To A Naturally Old Age)”
“The Summer Nobody Died”
“This Lighthouse Isn’t Haunted”
“The Chimney That Wasn’t Stuffed With The Bodies Of Murdered Women”
“A List Of People Who Have Never Drowned”
“The Boy Who Joined A Guild And Worked Hard”
“Life As A Chimney Sweep Is Difficult But I’d Certainly Never Start Murdering Sex Workers Who Remind Me Of My Mother Just To Relieve The Stress”
i love the Decemberists as much as anyone but wouldn’t it be something if they had an album with no horrifying witch-murders in it
is this ok
yeah its fine
the kissing i mean
yeah youre good
you just don’t seem
you’re not smiling
or kissing me back or anything
ill smile later
For any teen, developing your first set of vaginal teeth is stressful enough, but when it involves your crush or flossing, it can be extra traumatic! Here, readers reveal their most cringe-worthy dentata stigmata moments!
“I was spending a Saturday night with my steady when we knew his parents were going to be out of town, and, well…things got pretty hot and heavy. In the middle of our “study sesh,” I started hearing weird noises — and not good weird noises, either. My boyfriend was making the strangest choking sounds.Then I looked down, and there was blood everywhere! At first I thought it was my period — how embarrassing! But it was coming from him.”
