Hmm… “Proposed Impact Narrative…” For Pete’s sake, these grant applications are… What’s this? “Community Dialogue & Public Utility”? Christ. Er… OK. How about: “The Origin of the Species project will,” er, “bring faith communities into closer dialogue around the subject of the existence of God as creator of…” Actually no. Too inflammatory. Best avoid the religion stuff. How about: “will bring… bring communities into closer dialogue with,” er, with what though?! With marine invertebrates? Too specific… Too spineless. Er…. “…into closer dialogue with the ancestral animals of the earth, air and sea”? No, it’s gone all hymnal again. Grrrnngh. Maybe I can just say I’ll do a website or something. Yeah. With, like, a forum, or whatever.
“List the Economic Benefits.” So not my bag, this. Er, OK: “My research will provide a platform for developing tools towards the eventual selection of,” er, “desirable human characteristics (aka ‘good breeding’) at embryonic stage onwards, which…” Hmm. How would you exploit that? “…which can become a sought after service with major industrial implications opening new revenue streams.” Yes? – excellent!
“Fill in your Overall Impact Summary remembering to focus on Impact beyond your immediate target audience.” Hmm… OK. Er, “my time aboard the Beagle has allowed me to form theories that I expect to bring seismic shifts not merely to scientific understanding of the diversity of life and inheritance of traits, but to the ontological underpinnings of Man’s notion of itself with extensive metaphysical repercussions.”
Too bombastic? Want it to sound meaty, though… Oh shit: forgot world peace. Crucial to allude to world peace. And Israel/Palestine. How do I get fucking Israel/Palestine in there? “…has allowed me to form theories that will enliven debate around biblical themes giving rise ultimately to a more harmonious dialogue between-” Oh Christ on a stick this is bullshit!! I give up. Keep your filthy money!! Where’s my cocking wimple?
Darwin writes his “Proposed Impact Narrative” for the grant application for The Origin Of The Species, shortly before jacking it in and becoming a nun.
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