It’s been a minute.
I have been avoiding my blog. But while I have been avoiding writing, I haven’t been avoiding Weight Watchers. I’ve been doing WW (counting points, trying meet my ActiveLink goals, meal planning, cooking, etc.) but it hasn’t been working very well. I haven’t posted about my last three weigh in because I haven’t been happy with the results.
But let’s back up.
So, the last three weigh ins. My weight has gone up 1.2, 2.4 and then down 0.2. Not cool. And like I said, I have been tracking, staying within my points, etc.
I can’t even begin to describe how frustrated I have been over the past few weeks. I’ve been trying to eat healthy and make smart choices and it just isn’t doing anything.
I almost didn’t go to my weigh in today because I was sure I was going to be up about five pounds. I finally convinced myself to go and I just wouldn’t weigh in. Well, after a lot of back and forth in my head, I decided to just say screw it and face the music….and I was SHOCKED to see a 0.2 pound loss on the scale. I seriously have no idea how that happened.
Like I said, I stayed within my points this week, but my body has been so bloated its ridiculous. My pants are tight and they haven’t been tight in a LONG time. Several of my shirts that I normally wear are too small. To say my body image is at an all time low is a serious understatement.
The worst is the moonface I have developed. I had read about the prednisone moonface online and was hoping I could avoid it since I hopefully won’t be on the meds for a terribly long time. But over the last couple of weeks it has appeared. I looked in the mirror the other day and broke down crying. My face looks like it did 50 pounds ago. Ok, maybe not quite 50 pounds, but it definitely isn’t the face that I have grown used to over my weight loss journey. Logically I know that the puffiness in my face is just water weight and not fat, but it just scares me so much. I do not want to go back to the person who looked this way.
I know the meds are necessary….and more importantly, they are working. I just want this whole ordeal to be over. I hate having to take medicine every day. I’m only 30 for crying out loud!
Most days I feel really good. I almost forget about the sarcoidosis sometimes. But then I have a day where I cough a few more times that I would like to or the fatigue is really bad and I start to worry that I’m relapsing. I take my temperature more times than I would like to admit. (During the sarcoidosis flare ups I get an elevated temperature so whenever I get hot I’m worried its a temp……so far I haven’t had any fevers since being on prednisone.)
I’ve had a few sarcoidosis ‘firsts’ the past couple of weeks. Last week I met someone with the disease! She is actually a coworker of mine! She has pulmonary sarcoidosis and has been in remission for over 10 years. It sounds like my symptoms are very similar to hers. It was great to meet someone who has the disease and really understands what I’m feeling. It also was great to hear that it doesn’t affect her day to day life.
The other first that I experienced was not as positive. Most people that I tell about my diagnosis have never even heard of sarcoidosis. I don’t blame them at all…I hadn’t heard of it either. Well, this past week I met someone who had heard of it…because she had a friend who died from it. The look that she gave me when I told her is one that I won’t soon forget. It was kind of a combination of pity and fear. I know that my diagnosis is not a fatal one, but it still makes me sad knowing that people do die from this disease.
I’m sorry if this post was rambling and random. I’ve been processing life as best a possible lately and needed to get some thoughts down. I don’t mean to complain or whine but just needed to write. Oh, have I mentioned the ridiculous mood swings the prednisone has brought on? No? Well, they are bad, and I hate them. Add in the constant hunger, joint pains and dry eyes and I’m just a ball full of fun.
On that note….let’s get on with the week! I hope you all have been having great weigh ins and are kicking butt!
