"I hear some of you complaining “women always say they want a nice guy.” I know lots of women — I’m even related to a few — and I can’t say I’ve ever heard any of them say that. I can’t prove it, but this sounds like one of those things stand-up comedians say about women and everyone else just repeats. I’ve also never known a woman who cries when she breaks a nail — although I’ve known a few who swear like a 15-year-old sailor in jail — and I’ve never had a woman ask me if her outfit made her look fat unless she actually wanted and subsequently appreciated my opinion. So either I’ve stumbled upon a secret trove of women who aren’t passive-aggressive sob machines, or you need to stop mistaking Dane Cook routines for peer-reviewed sociological studies."

—

Lore Sjöberg, Alt Text: Taking Another Look at the Myth of the ‘Nice Guy’   (via babyspooks)

I would bet real cash-money that the stereotype of women wanting “nice guys” was invented by sitcoms and modern Hollywood romance. You know the scenes I’m thinking of: the girl has just been dumped by some jerk and is pouring her heart out to the guy she doesn’t know is Secretly In Love With Her, and says something like, “I just wish I could find a nice guy, you know? Why aren’t more guys like you?”. 

And the audience is meant to groan with sympathy for his plight, because it’s CLEARLY not the right time to declare himself, so he has to just be there for her and pick up the pieces until he Can’t Take The Pain Anymore and has to leave to Try And Get Over Her, and she’s all confused by his absence and mentions it to her friends, who finally let slip that “Oh, but he’s been pining for you for YEARS - didn’t you know he’s the one who [insert big romantic/meaningful gesture the heroine never knew to attribute to the Nice Guy before now, because he kept it secret, Mr Darcy-style, out of modesty, so as not to Pressure Her] for you?“ 

And only then does she realise she’s Loved Him All Along, and hops a cab to his picturesque lakeside Brooding Hut, where one of them tries passionately to explain themselves, only for the other one to kiss them into romantic silence. In the rain. In front of the fucking sunset. 

Visually, it’s all very moving, which perhaps explains why, rather than taking away the obvious lesson from all these stories - namely, that it’s better to be upfront about your romantic intentions at the outset instead of pining for fucking years, waiting for the object of your affections to psychically interpret your non-threatening presence as interest - self-professed Nice Guys have instead decided that all they need to do to Get The Girl is meet the minimum standards for human decency while not actually moving interstate. 

Sadly, this does not explain their commensurate tendency to instantly metamorphose into the same jerks they’re ostensibly better than the second they’re met with rejection. I mean, it’s been a while since I watched one of those movies, but I’m pretty sure it’s almost universally the rapey jockdouche who explodes at the merest mention of the word no, not the eventual hero. I mean, sure, he probably has a whiny manbaby tantrum at some point Because Sexist Tropes, but that usually doesn’t include calling the girl a bitch or threatening her with vicious screeds of abuse. 

Or maybe I missed that particular John Hughes movie. 

(via karenhealey)

(via evdott)