Daria is returning to Lawndale High!
It must be retro-mania fever time because there have been a lot of shows returning to television. I don’t feel old, but I guess I actually am. Daria has always held a spot in my little heart - who could resist a misanthropic teen girl who observes the world around her and spits on it? She also wore really cool boots. Daria will have a time slot from July 30th - August 1st so make sure you use all of your sick days to catch every select episode. To celebrate this quick and dirty return(and disappearance) of Daria, MTV Blog has made a few suggestions of where Daria might be today after college:
“Since speculating is the only avenue we have to take, we strung together three possibilities as to where the "Sick, Sad World” subscriber ended up after enrolling at Raft College. Here is how we see Daria Morgendorffer as a university student onward.
1) Party Girl-Turned-Townie Housewife: Having predictably spent freshman year as a library-dwelling recluse, Daria committed to breaking into Raft’s Greek Life strata when she discovered her crush from 8 a.m. Tolstoy lab was also the community service chair for the campus’ respected Beta Theta Pi chapter. Pledge period proved to be more of a surprising joy than a means to an end for Daria, though, and the bookworm slowly evolved into a card-carrying party girl whose lime-mango shooters grew into the stuff of campus legend. After neglecting her coursework in favor of planning KKG’s (wooooo, sisters!) spring break getaways in her remaining undergraduate years, Daria earned her degree by the skin of her teeth but found love en route in a second-string club baseball shortstop named Regis, whom she’d met at a mixer. The couple wedded soon after commencement, had two children by their mid-20s and are mainstays at the local VFW on $2 pitcher night.
2) Pro-Republican Canvasser: Daria was as blue as they come when she arrived at Raft, but when Quinn was mistakenly admitted to the competitive school shortly thereafter, the older Morgendorffer swore to remain at odds with her little sister by any means possible. Quinn fell into the Young Democrat crowd as a freshman when House Republicans moved to spike birth control copays, and when Daria noticed her sister picketing outside of the General Studies building after George W. Bush’s contentious reelection, she declared herself a Dubya-loyalist. What began as a joke developed into a fiery right-wing conviction, though, and by her senior year, Daria had effectively curbed on-campus drinking as Student Assembly Head. Daria “Recession Who?” Morgendorffer is now a successful hedge fund investor who enjoys polo and thinking of ways to keep children away from her house on Halloween.
3) Parents’ House-dwelling Has-been: Daria showed tremendous potential at the college-prep level, but once the strain of upper-level academia set in, she had a breakdown, moved back into her parents’ nest before first-semester midterms and grew comfortable watching infomercials featuring saline solutions that make doorknobs less slippery. Her two successful parents urged her to pursue her more artistic inclinations until she was ready to re-enroll at Raft, but Daria found a less-stressful groove slowly soiling her single bathrobe. Nowadays, Daria aims to drink out of the carton less and find someone who knows where the second remote control is–like, the one that controls volume but not the channels.“ Quote taken from http://remotecontrol.mtv.com/2012/07/24/daria-morgendorffer-today/
Of course, the above predictions have me going:
DID YOU EVEN WATCH THE SHOW OR DO YOUR HOMEWORK!?
Daria would certainly have remained in the library, continued with her studies, perhaps fell in love for a while only to realize it wasn’t worth her time because humans suck. She would have been elected to Phi Beta Kappa by her professors and graduated with Latin honors. She would then return home unemployed and start a misanthropic blog where she complains about her lack of employment and distaste for civilization. Quinn, on the other hand, becomes a model; this being the butt of many jokes in Daria’s blog where she claims you must be talentless and daft to find employment - further confirming how pathetic society is. By the way, Daria’s blog eventually lands her a book deal.
A real dream come true would be all new episodes of Daria… college and beyond!
