WINDOW ROCK–Sources close to Joe Shirley said that the former president has big plans for the Navajo Nation zoo if he is re-elected.
“You won’t see what’s coming,” the source who we will call Matick Mandoval said in an exclusive interview. “We are bringing new species to give our Navajo students a sense of what this place was like when "dinosaurs ruled the earth” he said. “…not just Window Rock” he later quipped.
Our high level interviewee said that they had recently cloned animals from DNA found in the files that have been kept in lock and key in the mold ridden Administrative Building One at the hight of an investigation of the president’s role in BCDS and OnSat, two companies awarded lucrative contracts with the tribe during Shirley’s administration that critiques allege skirted the proper review process and cost the Nation $$$.
“Honestly we just thought we’d find things damaging to Mr. Shirley in those files, who knew he had an extensive collection of mosquitoes trapped in petrified amber from millions of years ago, the president is so silly sometimes.
The source said that Shirley collected the rocks in the event of a rainy day when the federal government freezes its funding to the Navajo Nation because it’s under an unprecedented zombie attack and we need to clone the dinosaurs to survive.
"Like Iran, we have a robust dinosaur-cloning program but our not yet at cloning capacity. The cloning will be used for peaceful purposes only, like Dinosaur generated power. Have you seen how fast those dinosaurs can run? Hook up a flock of Saltopus to some treadmills and we’d be rolling."
Although the animals are not yet ready, Mandoval is confident that if Shirley is re-elected, cool stuff will come your way.
pictured above: process of cloning animals that will be part of the Navajo Nation zoo is a hard science.
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