This situation has me on the outside looking even deeper. Searching relentlessly within myself, pulling out any lifelines I can that will amount to the strength I need to not collapse under the weight of pain. I am letting go of what I want to be held tightly around my finger; a conflicted heart, losing luster and gaining experience. From the outside, I watch you take each step further away, and yet I still hold on to the question of what was, and what will be, and what can be. Your back is the only way I recognize you; turned away from me as each day takes you further away. Dreaming only of a distorted reality-what is, versus how I paint my life to be perceived.  I can feel my grip faltering; losing strength-my sanity is questionable as darkness becomes more attractive than the clarity of facing life with bravery. Letting go becomes the nemesis that gnaws at each thought and exterior gesture. Every conviction I have is on trial with fate and inevitability. 

-b