1 Notes
Shoot Me In The Face With a Laser
In life you can’t do anything half-ass. You have to fully commit to an extreme and that’s why when I first started to see the early signs of chin hair on my 20-something year old face (this was a few years back. Relax, I’m not trying to lie about my age) I knew I either had to let that -ish grow to bearded lady status to get it smoother than a Michael Jackson moonwalk.
At first I could handle it on my own. Tweezers were weapon of choice. Pluck, pluck, cool. Then something else happened. I realized that as a black woman my hair has a mind of it’s own. Like the hairs on my head, my chin hairs were coarse and obtuse. I started to develop dark spots that marked where these rude as hairs would return to ruin my face whenever they felt like it.
I wasn’t alone in this. Maybe its the steroids in the meat or estrogen in the chicken (They inject chicken with estrogen right, that’s why it’s so tender? No, ok) but all my black girlfriends were sprouting five o’clock shadows. BEARDS!
It was time to conceal.
I would put makeup on the spots along my jawline and ruined the collar of every person I hugged. I worked in media so there was a lot of fake hugs given to industry folks at events. I messed up a lot of throwback jerseys. Hope you like that Fashion Fair foundation on your shoulder boo.
I knew it was time to take action.
My grandmother is a simple woman with an even simpler beauty regimen. As a kid I remember walking into her bedroom and seeing her lather her face with NAIR. Now if you have never smelled NAIR (the old -ish not the new scented ones today) it was rank enough to make your nostrils peel back. After a few minutes of chemical warfare, your hairs would surrender and you would wipe them away.
I knew I wouldn’t be up for that.
Then I decided to not be a cheap ass and look into laser hair removal. I heard horror stories of black women going to any ol’ dermatologist* who didn’t realize that black skin is precious and delicate and sensitive. Then there was the price.
Getting your chin hairs removed is considered a cosmetic treatment not covered by health insurance so like a single mother with no child support, I’d have to go this on my own. The -ish is expensive and I’m kinda cheap. I had to talk myself into it “Do you want to play connect the dots on your face for the rest of your life or do you want to be a sexy woman who can walk outside without any makeup on serve face for the heavens?” Yes, I said exactly that to myself in the mirror with Rupaul “Supermodel” playing on a loop.
Now, please know this wasn’t a decision that was based on society pressure on women to be perfect. I just didn’t want to have to share a razor with my future husband. Also I didn’t want to dedicate the time to growing a full beard, quitting my job and joining the circus. I will say this though, those bearded ladies ALWAYS HAVE A MAN. Maybe men like the feeling of facial hair on their…. nevermind.
To date, I’ve spent thousands on treatments to eradicate these illegal immigrant of hair follicles. It’s been a expense that I wouldn’t have been able to afford if I done other things like have kids, buy a car, pay tithes or donate to charity. Still, it’s proven to be the right choice.
They put this gel on your face so the lasers don’t burn your face off and have you smelling like singed chicken
I can take a laser to the face and I’m still alive and my skin is flawless.
*If you are looking for a great dermatologist who is AA and works with AA skin hit me up. My doc is the best.
