Anonymous asked: I have an amazing girlfriend, and I love and trust her, but I don't like it when she sleeps over with other people (we're not allowed to b/c we're both girls and dating) and I feel like she'll replace me with them and stuff. I know it's wrong and I try my best to not get annoyed or mad or sad when she does sleep over or hang out with someone else. I was raped which makes me nervous around people and less trusting and that contributes too, and I just don't know what to do about my jealousy
Hi anon! Thanks for reaching out! First of all, I want to say that I’m so sorry you were raped and that I’m honored that you trusted us enough to share that. It totally makes sense that you would have difficulty trusting people after going through that.
At the same time, it’s important to note that there is nothing someone else can do to prove that they are trustworthy or to gain or earn our trust. Healthy relationships are built on trust and trust is a choice both partners have to make. If we choose to trust someone, we trust them no matter where they are, who they are spending time with, or what has happened in either of our pasts.
In a healthy relationship, both partners spend time with friends aside from their significant other. It is natural to feel jealous sometimes, but what matters is how we act on those feelings. If you’re worried that your partner is cheating or you’re struggling with vulnerability because of your past, it is okay to be honest with your girlfriend about those things. Setting clear boundaries and making sure you and your girlfriend are on the same page about what constitutes cheating in your relationship may relieve some of those worries.
Ultimately, both you and your girlfriend deserve to feel trusted and respected in your relationship. If you feel that you can’t trust your girlfriend because of your past, that is okay, but it might mean you aren’t ready to be in a serious relationship right now.
If you have more questions about jealousy, trust, or healthy relationships, please contact us via chat, send us a text, or give us a call at 1-866-331-9474. Live advocates are available 24/7 and our services are free and completely confidential.