Gizmodo's Bottomless Coverage of the iPhone 4 Reception Issue

Gizmodo’s Bottomless Coverage of the iPhone 4 Reception Issue

I think by now it should be pretty clear that rumor blog Gizmodo has a love/hate relationship with Apple. On the one hand, they love the page views that Apple-related stories bring in. On the other hand, they hate the possibility of facing felony criminal charges due to having purchased a stolen iPhone 4 prototype.

Given the latter half of the tenuous relationship, what’s a blog gonna do? Simple! Continue to write a truckload of articles about Apple every day, just without the fanboyish perspective that at one (pre-investigation) point in time permeated the vast majority of their articles.

And why not? Apple bashing is a lucrative industry–just ask Rob Enderle–and never more so than during new product release week. This time it’s the iPhone 4, and Apple handed Gizmodo a whopper: A phone which doesn’t work for some percentage of 1.7 million people…when held normally.

As others have noted, this exact reception issue seems to plague multiple smart phone manufacturers, including HTC and Nokia. Gizmodo even makes mention of this as part of their ongoing coverage of Apple’s more popular variation on the theme:

There is evidence other phones may have had problems when gripped a certain way. But none generated the number of public complaints or level of controversy associated with the iPhone 4.

As a naturally curious person, you may be wondering: “Why is that, I wonder?”

The first reason should be pretty obvious: Apple sold 1.7 million iPhones in three fucking days. The sampling rate for iPhones is larger. (Did Nokia ever sell 1.7 million E71-2 phones?) Thus, the fact that more reports of the issue are surfacing isn’t all that surprising. Or, shouldn’t be to anyone who understand the concept of much more and far less.

The second reason is a bit more chilling and requires more of an explanation.

I should warn you: The following is not recommended for the faint of heart. What you are about to read is a brutal and uncompromising look at various Gizmodo contributors flogging a story over and over and over, for almost a week, right up to the point of death, and then butt-fucking it for good measure.

You have been warned.

iPhone 4 Loses Reception When You Hold It By The Antenna Band?

The post that started it all. Intriguingly, there’s a hint that Gizmodo might be gentle with the story. A false sense of hope that some sort of journalistic integrity might be applied, based on the question mark at the end of the headline. 50 updates later…

Apple Acknowledges iPhone 4 Reception Issues, Says Don’t Hold It Like That

It’s true. Believe it or not, Steve Jobs did somewhat dismissively recommend that a concerned customer hold his phone differently to mitigate the problem. Gizmodo just wanted you to know that.

Steve Jobs Shows Cool Antenna Trick to Russian President

Not really, but Gizmodo hadn’t written anything negative about the reception issue for a few hours, so, they improvised. Ha ha!

If You Have These iPhone 4 Problems, You Should Exchange Your Phone

In case you’d forgotten, the good people over at Gizmodo wanted to remind you that the iPhone you purchased is probably a defective piece of shit that you can exchange for something else, even another piece of shit defective iPhone 4!

StealthArmor Is A More Attractive “Fix” For iPhone 4 Reception Than A Bumper Case

Actually, it’s just a protective skin, but: “Hey, have you heard that Apple’s new iPhone 4 suffers reception issues when you hold it normally?”

Did Concealment of Prototype iPhone 4 Devices Mask Reception Issues?

“We know that the iPhone 4 prototypes were concealed because we bought a stolen iPhone 4 prototype and it was housed in a protective case that made it look uncannily like an iPhone 3GS. Uh, maybe that’s why they didn’t detect this issue? It makes sense that Apple wouldn’t have ever utilized an iPhone 4 prototype which was not wrapped in one of those stealth cases, right? Even when it wasn’t being tested off-site? Cough.”

(I prefer the conspiracy theory that Apple did in fact know about the reception issue and that the bumpers were designed to mitigate the problem.)

Rumor: iOS 4.01 Update May Come Monday to Fix Reception Problems

As of right now, it’s almost Tuesday and no update has been issued. They’re not even that good at rumors.

Have You Noticed the iPhone Reception Problem in Practice?

Because, apparently, the first article they published which involved 50 claims (often with videos) of users experiencing the iPhone reception problem in practice wasn’t enough to make the point that people were experiencing the problem.

Let the sodomizing begin! “One, two, three, four, fuck that story ‘til it’s sore!”

The Best Semi-Solutions for iPhone 4 Reception Problems So Far

One solution involves using a rubber band to attach your iPhone 4 to the head of a douchebag.

Test Shows iPhone Antenna Issue Impacts Voice Transmission Too

In this video, an iPhone 4 owner demonstrates how the antenna problem also affects transmission in voice calls. Using only one finger, the voice quality degrades, even dropping completely. He explains the process:

The process involves using one finger. It’s all very scientific.

Steve Jobs On iPhone 4: “There Is No Reception Issue. Stay Tuned.”

At this point, I’d say Steve Jobs is just mind-fucking Gizmodo with his responses. That may make what we’re witnessing consensual, in some weird way.

Fake Steve Jobs: There Is No Spoon

Presumably spent after posting a non-stop barrage of content on the subject of iPhone 4 reception issues, Gizmodo steps away from the limp body and lets Fake Steve Jobs have a turn. Good news, everybody! There’s a pretty good chance we’ll get to hear Adam Carolla’s take on the matter as well: Jason Chen loves that guy!

Steve Jobs Demonstrates How to Get Full Bars With the iPhone 4

Gizmodo posts a goofy picture of Steve Jobs in an effort to keep the meme going and doesn’t even bother to credit the random commenter who they stole the idea from.

Remember, You Can Always Return Your New iPhone

Exhanging piece of shit iPhones is so yesterday. Today Gizmodo is all about returning your new iPhone. You could even use the refund money to buy the Droid X that Gizmodo failed to cover in any real detail, due to their obsession with Apple’s newest product.

Nokia Gets Cheeky and Says You Can Hold Their Phones However You Want

Except, of course, for those Nokia phones (like the E71-2) which were (under)reported to have the same problem as the new iPhone, information which Gizmodo didn’t feel the need to mention, either when it was a fresh issue or now that it might serve as a useful counterpoint to Nokia’s smug and seemingly inaccurate blog post.

Sign Here If You Think Apple Should Give Free Cases to Fix the iPhone 4’s Problems

“Sign here if you want something free or if you think internet petitions are useful.”

And finally…

An iPhone Class Action Suit Is in the Works

One week from product release to complaints to class action lawsuit. This will be great for consumers who will most likely get next to nothing even assuming these money chasing lawyers manage to take the claim all the way to a favorable verdict. They’d make a lot of money, sure, but you? You’ll get a voucher for a bumper you probably already bought. Gizmodo is happy to assist, though, and refer you to the law firm that hopes to ~~fight for your rights~~ line their wallets.

Just kidding. And finally…

Video Clearly Shows Antenna Defect on iPhone 4 Web Browser

In which Gizmodo once again dips back into the well and posts yet another video showing something happening that happened in other videos they’ve posted. It’s worth noting that Gizmodo didn’t mention the comments of the guy who shot the video:

FYI: I did not make this video to dissuade anyone from buying the iPhone 4, but merely to record this phenomenon. If it’s a bug, it’ll be fixed. If it’s a defect, Apple will replace it. I’m very much enjoying iPhone 4.
It’s kinda fun, actually.
For what it’s worth, I couldn’t get it to reproduce in a cafe a few days later, so this could be a problem only in some areas.

Instead, they posted some information from “most” push polls without, you know, actually linking to the polls. As a fan of this method, I can say that–according to most web polls I’ve seen–up to 100% of respondents think Jesus Diaz is a dicknozzle hack who is more concerned with getting back at Apple than doing his job. As it turns out, he can also see the future, because he can say with certainty that this problem will “affect everyone at some point.”

Damn. And finally…

Apple Design vs Apple Engineering

Gizmodo claim that a “source” inside Apple’s engineering department let slip that the internal battle between designers and engineers is leading to product defects that are just going to get worse and worse and worse. To prove this, they attempt to make it seem like Andy Hertzfeld contributed an article detailing the same issue from way back–once again due to Steve Jobs’s insistence on form over function–when really, they just copied and pasted one of Hertzfeld’s old articles from Folklore.org.

AHEM: AND FINALLY…

'Wrap For That’ Vinyl Stickers Fix iPhone 4’s Reception Issue

Gizmodo isn’t interested in this product, they’re interested in linking you back to an article which involved enough new news to actually justify an article.

Fuck it. There’s probably going to be more as the days go on:

Apple’s Internal iPhone 4 Antenna Troubleshooting Guidelines Leak

News flash: Apple, like every other company, is trying to manage its message because sites like Gizmodo–but mainly Gizmodo–are parsing every single thing they say on any given issue, in an effort to find an inconsistency to write about.

This list was compiled by a tag search for “apple” on Gizmodo, so it’s possible that I missed a few articles. I also ruled out any article which wasn’t specifically about the reception issue even when the reception issue was mentioned as a snarky aside; the list would be at least five articles longer if I had been less particular. As it stands: ~~16 17 18 19 20~~ 21 articles. (Articles about Apple, generally? A billion. Literally, a billion. Give or take a number.)

It wouldn’t really be fair to highlight Gizmodo without offering a comparison of similar content posted to a similar site, using the same search criteria.

Engadget is probably Gizmodo’s most direct competition as they tend to cover the same basic topics, so:

Some iPhone 4 models dropping calls when held left-handed, including ours (Update: Apple responds)

Same day, same basic starting point.

Apple responds to iPhone 4 reception issues: you’re holding the phone the wrong way

Steve’s pithy email was too good for either site to pass up. Understandable. When Steve says jump, most of these guys jump.

Hey Apple, you’re holding it wrong

Snark, in picture form: Various people in Apple’s promo videos holding the phone the way that Steve Jobs recommends not holding it. Oh, snap! No word on whether these people have signed Gizmodo’s petition.

iPhone 4 antenna woes contextualized by dude in the know

Weird. This article is about the reception issue, but it’s not really all that negative and is actually pretty informative. It’s as if all sides of an issue are being presented. I’m confused!

iPhone 4 antenna problems were predicted on June 10 by Danish professor

In other news, June 10 was my birthday, and you didn’t get me anything.

Nokia muses on grip styles, says you can hold your phone 'any way you like’

Remember how the book Wicked was basically a retelling of The Wizard of Oz, told from the perspective of the Wicked Witch? Similarly, this is the same smug Nokia blog post Gizmodo posted, told from the perspective of a website which seems to have some modicum of respect for journalistic integrity.

Spoiler: Engadget points out Nokia’s hypocrisy by posting an actual illustration from one of Nokia’s user manuals depicting the “don’t hold it that way” concept.

Apple telling reps to smooth over iPhone 4 reception complaints, not to offer free bumpers?

So, in the time it’s taken Gizmodo to add 4 new posts on the reception issue, Gizmodo has limped in with one. The newsworthy one.

The final tally: 6 7 articles. ~~Six.~~ Seven. One of the ~~six~~ seven wasn’t even negative!

Pathetic effort, Engadget.

It’s worth noting that Gizmodo has completely overlooked the two articles on the subject that seem to shed some intelligent light on what’s actually going on. Engadget linked the first of the two:

iPhone 4 antenna woes contextualized by dude in the know

The second article, which is even better, really: