i’m so tired — I am so, so sorry

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See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna
anotherwellkeptsecret

I am so, so sorry

toulouselastartrek

I am furious with myself.

I was praying that after last time when I asked for help when our apartment was fumigated and we were starving in a motel 6 that that would be the last time, but it’s not. It’s been a ridiculously hard summer financially. I’ve been fairly depressed about it, too, sleeping most of the day away 1.) because I am too depressed to do anything and 2.) because there’s only enough food to eat one meal a day and by waking up later I don’t feel as hungry.

But I’ll just cut to the chase: it’s my housing payment for school. After my financial aid return, I’ll still owe $904. It’s due October 1st. Short of selling my organs on the black market, I’m fucked. That’s a month’s rent.

I just can’t anymore. I’m so frustrated all I could do was cry even thinking of asking for help again or of being judged. I’ve done all I can, I don’t even care anymore. It hurts me so much to even ask.

I’ve applied for scholarships through my fraternity and sent out job applications for my work study. I’ve been poor my entire life and college is important to me. No one in my immediate family ever went to college and now I’m studying my dream at one of the best film schools in the world. And yet every day I feel like a failure because I barely have enough money to get by. It’ll get better once I’m hired or if my mom gets on disability for her back I’m sure, but the beginning of the year is always the hardest. I still have to get basics for my university apartment. I still have to get new clothes (to replace things with holes). I don’t know anymore.

I don’t know why I wrote all of this. I feel as though I need to justify myself further. I don’t know.

Basically if you can help out at all or can at least pass this along, that’d be much appreciated.

Thank you. I’m sorry.

toulouselastartrek

I want to thank everyone who has donated. Thank you so much, it means a lot. I think if I were able to raise a bit more, we could come up with the last $100-$200 and/or maybe get a short term loan from school (although this would not be ideal because I’d have to get it at the end of September, meaning I’d have to repay by the 20th of October)

Thank you, all!