DOITGIRL

It is so hard at first to unlearn your old life and your terrible ways of treating yourself. It’s hard to go against the grain of an entire society and make choices for yourself that no one else can understand. Sometimes I ask myself, and wonder if others think, that I might have made this whole spiritual journey up as an escape from “real life.” But then that begs the question, what is real, and what is normal? Is normal my old life of suffering and fear? Is normal the life I had that almost killed me, because I followed the rules and lived locked in a mind of fear and judgment? Have I had a psychotic break because I live by the laws of love and peace now? In my mind, I’ve gone sane. The old life was my fiction, this life is my truth.

Anyway, does it really matter? Who’s to say who’s making what up? If fear, war, and hate are real, I choose not to believe or live by them. Every day I vote for peace and love, and these are my beliefs. If this spiritual journey is not real, how come, since I have been on it, I have been so awake, healthy, and happy? How come my life is now so peaceful, when the “normal” one I lived was one car crash after another? If that’s normal,  never knowing myself, and in turn making choices that hurt myself and everyone around me, then I’m very blissful and happy to be strange.

Why do we care how others live their lives? When it comes down to it, when life screeches into perspective– when someone is in fear of losing their life, gets seriously ill or hurt, or passes away, do we ask, “I hope she lived a life based on mass society’s rules about reality?” Do we say, “I hope everyone accepted her and she fit in?” Or do we say, “I hope she was happy?”“I hope she heard the music and I hope she danced?”

When my mother was passing from this life to the next her last words to me were “Find the joy. You have to look for it, but it’s out there.” In my last words to her, I promised her I would. I tattooed this on my back and sought for joy in vain and in desperate, dangerous ways outside of myself for 14 years. [Despite the good intentions, I see the sad sentence I was setting myself up for, that  joy was always behind me, and I was always looking back for it instead of around me]. When I finally gave up on the rules that were killing me and took respite in myself alone, I found the universe, and then I found the joy.

You won’t have to worry about me. You might not recognize or understand all my choices, but I am happy. And that’s all I want you to be. I hear the music. I am dancing. I hope you find the version of life that makes the most sense to you and your heart, and I hope you give it  your best shot, I hope you live it to the fullest. I hear the music. Do you?

STARS

STARCANA HOROSCOPE with SUZI CAVALLO DRONZEKAlthough the Libra Moon can keep us serious and contained with the details of our life, we could feel torn between two directions this morning as Moon opposes rebellious Uranus and clever Mercury. Our resistance to bend may increase as we seek to gain control as Luna squares demanding Pluto by this afternoon. Balance while listening to our inner quietness is most beneficial to our well-being. Yesterday's Full Moon in Virgo continues to vibrate powerfully, even tho her light is slowly decreasing. This energy encourages us to let go of unhealthy emotional attachments, so that our true self may shine.

 "Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy.“ Leo Buscaglia. 

Tarot guidance from Wheel of Fortune, Hanged Man rx: Live and let die. SUZI CAVALLO DRONZEK

WORDS