DOITGIRL

Shout Out Louds - The Comeback 

DOITGIRL

I don’t do it very often, but sometimes I feel guilt for being this free and happy. I know this is part of leaving your old paradigm, releasing old trappings and illusions like guilt and fear, and disowning the notion I can’t be happy if others in my life are suffering. Sometimes the reminders that, as Springsteen says “it ain’t no sin to be glad you’re alive,” come at just the right moments. I’ll get an email from a friend and see that the last time we spoke- if it was over a year and a half ago- I was writing from within a deep dark prison. I don’t sound like me, I barely sound alive. I’ll briefly remember my suicidal days when I once asked my sister to take care of my dog “If anything happened to me.” I’ll remember the pain I caused my family, my father, my aunt, my sister, that whole year I wanted to die. I don’t forget what I’ve been through, I hold that girl with me and I continue to show her the light. I know this is great responsibility, this life, this gift, this journey, this mission. I am no longer careless with me, I hold her like a mother. You’ve been through hell, I tell her. Now let me show you heaven. Slowly, miraculously, in this new era of love, light, and healing, I bring her home to safety and love. My darkness was no joke. That I am still here is no accident. There are no accidents. If you feel yourself moving up and away from your dark old paradigm, by all means, keep moving up, up and away. Do not stay in the dark water. Get to shore and be a lighthouse. When my mother died this boy I was seeing broke up with me, because it scared him, the enormousness of it. We were all so young and sheltered. I didn’t care for him, really, but he was cool, older, popular, and because of the timing of events, he was also my first time. I had slept with him the night the doctor told us she didn’t have much longer. It was anti-intimate, it was super quick, it made me feel emptier and much worse, but watching my mother in the hospital made me scared of dying not having lived and so I asked him for the experience. When she died a few days later, he called and said it was over, because, he said; “I don’t want to leave you one day and cause you pain, like your mother.” It was absurd to think he had that power. It was so ego-maniacal. “That’s not possible,” I said to him. But maybe it was possible, because after she died I gave everything away, all the time. I allowed people to take, then I resented it. I wanted everything and everyone to love me, despite never loving myself. Her death launched a decade of me offering myself up to others, so that someone or something outside of myself could save me. My friend Bebban and I used to feel like constant sacrificial lambs, always putting our necks out on the chopping block. Like, “take us, we’re got nothing, we are nothing.” I spent over ten years giving myself away until there was nothing left but a withered, bereaved, resentful dying grey soul that finally died and made way for the Shakti. Then I re-awakened into this new paradigm. Then everything changed. But I heard it again the other day, those words. Someone the other day was frustrated with me, they didn’t understand why I wasn’t rolling over and playing dead when they were mad, why I move forward confidently in my choices and don’t roll around in the mud and grovel that I’m so sorry, just to be doing what’s right for me. [You know that old way where you were sorry for breathing, sorry for speaking, if it bothered offened someone else]. I know that what’s right for me is right for the world. But that person was giving me under-handed compliments, and icy digs, then they said, “I would never want to take anything away from you,” but I stopped listening at that part. That was my sign. This person and people like that– we don’t speak the same language. We didn’t live in the same dimension. I choose my battles very carefully, I am not going to defend or explain myself to you, because it’s like screaming into a vacuum. I don’t live in the 3-D world anymore. I momentarily wanted to yell, that no one can take anything away from anyone else. No one, unless you let them. The moment passed. I wished them love and light. I moved on. If you try to drag me back down with guilt and fear, it will not work. My Battle is not an illusion- the darkness was real. I won’t go back. I won’t retun to the dungeon so you feel safe and validated. Anytime something in your life is dying it is surrenduring so something greater can take its place. Last week I saw spiders everywhere. Spiders scared me in my old life. Now they symbolize re-birth. The meek me dying, a great warrior is awakening. I welcome the cycle, I welcome the change. I am here to protect, honor, love, defend this great ancient being who I am. I am here to ascend far past the suffering, into the new dimension. So are you. The body, mind, heart, and soul is your temple. No one gets in without you saying so. So stay enveloped in your light. Let the darkness pass like clouds. Keep your head up and your heart open. Keep up the good fight. Know yours truths. You are a warrior of light. Heal yourself. Fight for love. Save the earth.

STARS

“The Taurus Moon starts our week out nicely, keeping us determined in attaining our goals today. Realizing the importance of all that we have accumulated through hard work, we knowingly become the designer of the world that we live in. A bit quieter of a day, our inner artist surges as Moon conjuncts with beautifying Venus. 

"Every artist dips his brush in his own soul, and paints his own nature into his pictures.” - Henry Ward Beecher. 

Tarot guidance from Three of Wands, Death: To create, we must be willing to destroy first.  via Suzi Cavallo Dronzek

MOON 

NEW MOON IN ARIES AND AFTER. 

“Aries symbolizes the beginning of a new cycle of manifestation and life experience, as we overcome the pull of the collective past, symbolized by the previous sign Pisces. As the first sign of the zodiac, Aries is the archetype of initiation, emergence and new frontiers. The Ram at his best is loving, courageous, pioneering and decisive. Our Aries energy represents our ability to lead and inspire, to change the world for the better. It gives us the courage to act upon our own initiative and to take the next step on our evolutionary journey.

We are on the edge of a new frontier. We have the opportunity to plant seeds of wisdom, to penetrate the soil of the minds of others. And for every seed we plant many more will multiply and grow. Where this New Moon falls in our charts, we are learning to be true to ourselves and to act from the confidence and faith of our inner spirit. It takes courage to follow our hearts. Using our Aries focus and determination, we can hang on to what we truly value. In this area of life we are asked to be strong, to reach out to others with unconditional love, to be love in action. Aries is the sign of the Free Spirit, the Visionary Leader and the Spiritual Warrior.

Michael, Archangel of the Sun, is closely associated with Aries and its ruler Mars. He holds the sword, representing the power of the spirit, aloft in one hand and the scales of justice in the other, while he courageously tramples the dragon of selfish desire underfoot (negative expression of Aries). The scales depict the perfect balancing of mind and heart, will and love. The sword of light, symbolizing divine truth, can conquer all darkness and help create Peace on Earth.

Mars is still retrograde (January 23 - April 13), urging us to courageously make a stand for the principles we believe in. The Moon’s exact conjunction with Uranus (March 24) and square to Pluto (March 29) emphasize the transformational theme of our times for personal and collective change. Holding on to the past is futile. The imperative for change is intensifying. Something old is dying; something new is crying to be born. When using the sword of light, we are expressing our capacity for unconditional love in action, serving and protecting the greater good of all. At this very moment, we have the opportunity to create a new tomorrow, to raise our faces toward the Sun, to be guided by our spirit within, and co-create ‘Heaven on Earth.’”

“Do you want to know the secret of life? That which the seed does naturally, do consciously." Goethe VIA  JHaines6

WORDS

"Surrender is faith that the power of Love can accomplish anything even when you cannot forsee the outcome.” - Deepak Chopra