Walking Home At Night

Sexism is more than slut shaming and double standards in health care. It is my lack of ability to come home at whatever time of day or night I choose, without fear for my safety. 

I am a working musician who happens to have a vagina. I come home late from the recording studio, rehearsals, gigs, meetings, and I don’t avoid my nocturnal career obligations simply because I am a woman. 

According to the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, every person is entitled to freedom of movement, across their country’s borders and within them. I don’t have a legal curfew, and I don’t live with my parents. There is no one stopping me from being out in the late hours of the night and the wee hours of the morning. 

Earlier this month, I came home at 1 AM from a performance and realized I had forgotten something in the car. So I went back outside to get it. Sounds simple right? 

Two young males were standing on the street corner outside of my building, and I had to pass by them as I walked down the hill to the car, keys in hand. I got the generic “hey cutie, where you going” from one of them, plus a few body scans. While I was annoyed, I am accustomed to unwelcome attention from strange males. I don’t find it flattering, but like most women, I often choose not to acknowledge it. 

As I walked back up the hill to my building, carrying the items I had retrieved from the car, he laughed and asked me my name. I had no intention of introducing myself, so I ignored him. But as I turned around the corner of my building, I realized that I had forgotten something else in the car. I was tired after a long night, and just wanted to go home. Had I not forgotten an expensive piece of audio equipment, I might have left it in the car overnight. Exasperated, I walked around the corner to the car again.

If you’re a female human, you have probably been hassled by someone on the street at some point in your life. If you’re from Egypt, where my Dad’s family is from, there’s a whopping 99.3% chance you have been sexually harassed. I live in New York and while watching my back constantly, I think of my female family members in Cairo and hope that they watch theirs too. 

Sometimes it’s just as simple as a “hey sexy”. Other times it’s a laundry list of things he would like to do to you. Maybe he’ll tell you you’re beautiful as if his opinion validates you, and/or ask you to smile. Worse, he can take it a step further and assert his power physically. 

As I huffed and puffed down the hill looking straight ahead of me, the male said “don’t worry, I didn’t do anything to your car”. I continued to ignore him, rolling my eyes at his one-sided interactions with me. But as I walked past him with more gear in hand this time, he asked me for my name once more. Annoyed at his persistence, I finally mumbled “you don’t need to know’ and turned around the corner. I just wanted to go home. But this time he didn’t let it go. 

He turned around the corner after me and forcefully said "Bitch, I asked you a question.”

I froze and turned around to face him, finally making eye contact. And then I asked him, exhausted.

“Why are you following me?”

He stalked off abruptly, shaking his head to himself. I wasn’t sure if he would return with his friend, so I ran:  down the block, through my front door, up the stairs, and into my apartment.

Amid all this talk of “privilege” - be it male, white, straight, - we tend to discuss sexism on the institutional level: inequity in the law, places of work, houses of worship, etc. But how often do our male counterparts consider how sexism affects our security?

When I cannot be outside at the same time as a man with confidence, that is sexism. 

When a male sound person tells me “don’t worry, hun: I’ll make you sound real nice”, that is sexism.

If you ask me what I was wearing that night, that is sexism. 

I am writing this blog post as an appeal to my male counterparts.

Please, UNDERSTAND YOUR PRIVILEGE.  

You may have a daughter one day, if you don’t already. You will worry for her. 

You may have a son one day, if you don’t already. You will mold him. Teach him to understand the power dynamic at play when he tries to talk to a girl, especially if she’s alone.

Perhaps then, none of us would have to worry for our daughters.