BBT: Basic Bitch Today

March 5, 2012

When I thought about who I would defend first, I thought I would take a top-down approach, meaning that I would start from some of the best, then eventually trickle down to bitches who are in dire need of help. The reasoning behind this is that boss bitches usually have more haters and slander surrounding them anyway, so it would be best to tackle bigger issues first.

The fact that I have to even defend Britney Spears is something that just shakes my spirit. Sometimes I’d like to think that I’M the crazy one. Maybe I’m just a little too enthusiastic about even the slightest thing she does, and that maybe I’m just someone with lackluster taste…

Then I just put on Blackout and realize that whoever doesn’t give her due deference is either in denial of her greatness or has no taste for good pop music.

I remember the first time I saw Britney Spears, I was an 8-year-old watching The Box when ‘…Baby One More Time’ came on. Like the rest of the world, I was instantly hypnotized by the video. After demanding it, I was purchased her first album by my aunt. That CD has been played over and over again and has been copied onto every computer I’ve ever owned.

Although I wish everyone could experience the same love as I have for her, that is unfortunately not the case. Many have not chosen to accept the light of ‘Godney’ or have grown to love her. However, it’s been well over a decade since she debuted and there are still bitches acting like they didn’t tearfully sing ‘Stronger’ into a hairbrush alone in their room when they found out their fifth grade crush didn’t feel the same way as they did, or that they didn’t bust their ass trying to recreate the ‘Oops!…I did it again’ dance, or that their fat ass didn’t have to envision Britney’s body in ‘I’m a Slave 4 U’ every time they craved a Krispy Kreme donut or felt unmotivated to do their twenty daily situps.

That is why I need to ground some of these delusional bitches in denial and cover a few things.

1) Unprecedented Success

I don’t like to refer to number and accolades a lot when establishing someone’s credibility as an artist. Simply because an artist doesn’t chart or doesn’t go platinum doesn’t mean they aren’t talented, it just means the general public, for one reason or another, does not feel like purchasing an artist’s music.

Britney, however, has already proven herself to be a powerhouse when it comes to accolades and success. Not only has she sold 33 million records in the US alone, she’s sold over 100 million rcords worldwide. Britney Spears is also the only female artist to have six of her albums debut at #1, and all of her albums debut at the top two spots (thanks to Billboard changing their rules midweek during Blackout’s debut week). Her team may have some of the worst promotion tactics ever, but she still manages to come out on top every time. If one of your faves even DARED to take it easy during their promotion (and some can’t even manage to peddle some of the most horrifyingly basic albums with rigorous promotion), they would flop harder than a fish out of water.

2) Undeserving Wrath of Jealousy

It’s impossible to be loved by everyone. For every fan, a celebrity always has 10 or so haters, thirsty for a reblog or retweet. Seeing as how Britney Spears has been scraping pop bitches off of the face of the planet from the top for over ten years now, it’s obvious that she has racked up quite a number of jealous hater bitches. Is it deserved? Absolutely not. Unlike many others, Britney Spears has always been very gracious when addressing the lowly existence of other bitches in the game.

Sadly, hater bitches have always had their claws out when it comes to Britney. Christina Aguilera still couldn’t get over being beat the hell out of that top spot by Britney for quite some time. Ke$ha even tried to get at Britney at some point in time, but then realized that Britney Spears could walk into her home, get up on her dinner table, squat over her meal, pee right on it and watch as Ke$ha desperately ate it up in hopes of gaining some longevity and apologized for her reckless shit. In fact, the bitch even scrambled at the opportunity to take part in Britney’s monumental success and embraced every fucking second of it.

Ke$ha’s shade at Britney is just proof that bitches are just jealous of Britney. They are just thirsty for all the attention Britney gets. Britney gets pregnant, people make sculptures of her. Britney is rumored to be on medication, it’s on the tip of everyone’s tongue. Britney looks a bit disheveled on some down time, hundreds of blogs write articles and who knows how many people view it. When you got knocked up after that messy one night stand in your local bar’s bathroom on Tequila Tuesday, who made a sculpture of you? When you had to take some beano after those Taco Bell leftovers in your fridge gave you explosive diarrhea, were people talking about it on a daily basis? when your ass looks like you’ve been shopping at the Walmart clearance section for your clothes, who is dedicating articles to it and snapping pictures worth more than your monthly rent?

I want to see you walk around with a busted weave and get articles written about the occasion. Until then, sit your jealous ass down.

3) Undeniably Good Pop Music

There’s no denying it, her music is pop perfection. Her music videos have become cultural milestones. Her performances have shocked millions and have been fearless in execution. Her music is covered by too many other artists to even begin counting.

I could sit here and talk about how flawless her music is, but it’s better if you just listen to it yourself. If you haven’t listened to Blackout, an album that is considered by many (including myself) to be her best work to date, then get to it. Femme Fatale, her most recent album, is also full of brilliantly produced songs that delivers some of the most unique dance tracks this decade’s pop music has seen so far. If not, check out either of her greatest hits albums, if you’re trying to check out some of her older stuff.

There’s not much else I can say on the topic. Britney Spears has been a boss bitch in the pop game for the past decade and will continue her reign for years to come.

11:27am | URL: https://tmblr.co/ZvW9FxHWBRK_

(Notes: 22)