The following is the eighth in a ten-part series I am writing on my and my family’s experience and response to my Mom’s stroke following a brain aneurysm.
As I look back on my first post in this series, I can’t help but be amazed at how God worked out each of the questions I had (or is still doing so). I’ll refer you to a paragraph in that first post:
Here’s where things get tough. I can’t help but wonder now if I made the right decision in coming back. I have so many questions that need answering. Why did this happen? How is Mom? Is her memory improving? Is her mobility getting better? Will she be able to make a full recovery? Should I have stayed? Should I take a year off and work? Where would I work if I did? If I stay can I catch up? Will I even enjoy what’s left of the last semester of my senior year? Is it wrong to wonder that? Should I go back so my Dad can go return to work? If I go back, will I regret not staying? Should I drop a class and take it this summer? Can I even afford to take a class this summer? Or should I just slog through, get a not-so-great grade and be done?
Mom’s recovery has been nothing short of miraculous. When I consider and compare where she was those first few days in the hospital to where she is today, there is no other word I can use but “miracle.” It’s been amazing to see God work through that. Her recovery continues today!
As for questions about school: Today I’m just a few short days from graduation! This has not been an easy semester, but I’m glad that I stuck with it. I’ve been able to enjoy many things about these past few months, and I’ve been able to do better than I expected in my classes. I’m so thankful for the friends that helped to make this semester a good one. I can’t say enough about how much that has meant to me.
It’s amazing to see how God works out all of our questions, not in our time, but in His. When I first came back to school I wanted answers RIGHT NOW. I needed to know what the right decisions were at that moment and felt so powerless when I didn’t know what to do. But God reminded me that He is in control and that His timing is best.
He didn’t answer every one of those questions right away, but instead in His own time. Throughout all this He has reminded me regularly that His ways are best, that He is still God and that He is still powerful, even amidst the circumstances of life that might try to convince me otherwise. For every question that I have about His providence, His Word speaks strongly:
“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
“Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”
Matthew 6:25-34, ESV (emphasis added)
I am in awe of the Great Question Answerer, who is Himself the Great Answer to every curveball life might throw my way. Circumstances, opportunities and situations may change, but He is constant through them all. What a comforting thought that is.
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Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10