everyone in fantasy novels is horny on main for elves and it’s honestly a travesty like why the hell would you want to marry an elf you’ll just spend the rest of your days growing old in the woods with a bunch of immortal bastards whose heads are so far up their asses they think singing week-long ballads is prime entertainment and say shit like “thou” and “beseech” unironically y'all should be hooking up with dwarves who 1. actually know how to throw the fuck down and let loose at a party 2. will literally shower you in diamond dust and gold they mined and crafted with their bare hands and 3. can sling you over their shoulder like a sack of potatoes with their huge muscular arms developed from hours of said mining and crafting. there’s literally no contest.
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the best lord of the rings thing ive seen is the headcanon that gimli is like Prince Tier of beauty for dwarves and is absolutely stunning and legolas is like, for an elf, absolute butt ugly like relatively and everyones always like gimli how could you marry such a shit tier ugly ass elf and gimli is like ach.. nae…i love him
If Snow White literally had “lips red as a rose, hair black as ebony, and skin white as snow,” she’d look like a walking nightmare.
honestly this sounds like the description of a vampire. Which would also explain how she convinced seven dwarves to let her stay with them. How she could control some animals to do her bidding. How she could sleep for a long time without aging. Why the hunter betrayed the queen for her, and why the queen wanted her heart, so she could be sure she was killed properly.
Shit, THIS is a retelling I want to read.
This is the exact plot of a Neil Gaiman novella y’all.
Go forth and read Snow, Glass, and Apples. You will not regret it.