How to Write a Resignation Letter
When you write a resignation letter, it is important to be simple, brief, and focused.
Make sure to address it to the correct person, and be clear about the fact that you are leaving:
Dear Greg, I am leaving.
You must also include the date that your resignation becomes effective, and the exact position you are resigning from:
As of half past thank fuck o'clock on Tuesday, I will officially step down from my position as Executive Undersecretary of Dynamic Stationary Management, or more colloquially ‘guy in charge of pen drawer’ , including such duties as Optimisation of Pencil Sharpness.
Hopefully you have already resigned in person, but if you have been unable to then briefly explain why:
I would have come to see you on Monday, but was unable to due to an appointment about my left leg being shorter than my right leg and the effect it is having on my self-confidence.
Be clear about your reasons for leaving:
I cannot work in such close proximity to the break room anymore as Irene has been humping the water cooler again.
Some feedback is fine, but be sure not to include anything negative or disparaging about the company:
Please do not think that I am leaving because of the rampant theft going on throughout the office, or the fact that Phillip from the photocopy room is a guinea pig who never staples my copies together straight. While the police may be disparaging about the 'illegalities’ of the company, I am thoroughly positive about my whole experience, even the day my pants were stolen from around my ankles while I was on the toilet.
It is recommended not to use specific names of supervisors, co-workers, or subordinates unless in a positive light:
Jenny has a great rack.
It is very important to thank your employer for the opportunities you have had during your employment:
Greg, you have helped me a lot both personally and professionally- like the month I spent struggling with the weight of humankind on my shoulders thinking that I might be Jesus but just didn’t know it yet, and when you taught me that recycling is for dickwads.
The letter will be included in your employment file and could be shared with other potential employers, so make sure it is professional and polite, and places you in a good light:
I would also like to take this opportunity to inform you that I have mad skateboarding skillz, and also I visit my Nan a lot and sometimes I don’t even take anything from her house.
Conclude your resignation by offering to help with the transition:
I will give my stapler to Ahmed.
Respectfully yours,
etc