Say Something Funny...B*tch

Hey f*ckfaces,  sorry this posting is late.  You see,  I’ve been doing sh*t like arranging interviews with THIS GUY:

http://www.davidwygant.com/

But probably more f*cking notably, MY FUTURE EX BOYFRIEND:

In between doing important sh*t, my new-agey Aunt  told to read this book, entitled THE POWER OF NOW.

I was skeptical at first. Next, I was disgusted. Then, intrigued. Then, back to skeptical.

The Power of Now is a book of advice in living in the moment, and uses lots of vague words witch-doctor words like “energy,” “confluence” and “healthy relationships.”

Then, I thought:  I have some advice to share that won’t cost you 12.95 on a Borders clearance rack.  YEP- THESE NUGGETS OF WISDOM ARE HOT OFF THE PRESSES, AND ABSOLUTELY FREE*

*for now. 

Here’s shit I’ve learned in the past, say, 2 weeks.  Just off the TOP OF MY GODD*MNED HEAD!:

-If your local Rite Aid is out of Coors Lights, go Tecate Light.  Same cheapness and same Rite Aid Discount

-If someone tells you more than 2 times that they’re a “nice guy,” they’re probably a complete asshole. Double Rite Aid points if they use “really nice guy.”

-If a nice guy at Rite Aid tells you to buy the expensive loofah, do it.  Your back won’t wash itself and it’s worth the investment.

 -Rite Aid guys don’t make a lot of money, so if one has a perpetual fountain in their bedroom, something is up

-Tecate Light cans don’t crush well on perpetual fountains

-Run

JESUS CHRIST, I COULD DO THIS FOR A LIVING. In fact, I just might.  Now, I have to go to some crazy important sh*t, I love you all. 

You’re Welcome,

Rebecca

Next week:  How I stopped an “OCCUPY WILTON” protest in my own ½ bathroom.