Say Something Funny...B*tch

Hey all- 

So last week I needed to push my agenda and bleeding-heart liberalism on you all, and for that I apologize.  This week has been weird already, but I thought I’d make it even weirder. 

Why? Because I watched Martha Marcy May Marlene.  And now I KNOW ALL ABOUT CULTS. 

Cults are scary, people.  And this movie- an expose on how a cult has critically affected the life and mental health of a beautiful young girl- is an expose into cultitude.  Oh man, AND I’m totally sorry I got into it with the Hayden Law! Turns out, it was not overturned, which is a great thing! I hope some of you readers had a hand in that and called those reps and felt fucking superior to everyone around you.

BUT ANYWAY cults- see, the movie is really into showing how that guy from Big Love (TYPECASTING, anyone? What’s his name, oh yeah I have the internet: his name is John Hawkes) likes to kind of woo the not-twin Olsen into doing all sorts of crazy-ass shit, like stealing and having group sex.  But- she’s like, extremely beautiful, so it’s kind of hard to believe that scene where she pisses her pants and hides her sundress between the boxspring and the mattress of her sister’s lake house. Man- do you think after this movie the Olsen Twins had some weird intervention with Elizabeth, like, just to be like, hey, slow down you fucking ROOKIE? Talk to us when you’ve made New York Minute 2? Maybe.  It’s hard to say. 

BUT STILL- the movie loves to showcase Elizabeth Olsen’s 23 year old rack.  And I’m not gay, but I guess I’m cool with that. Speaking of not gay, I just threw my back out while having sex,  which makes me feel strange, like I’m getting old.  But the worst parts are the texts from friends who are all sensitive to my shit, and send me text like, “are you okay?” and all that. Yeah, I’m okay. I ran a marathon like 2 years ago.  I’ll be fine.  Get a life, right?  And Elizabeth Olsen gets a life, kind of, when she runs away to her sister and her sister’s hot British Husband’s lake house,  which is completely furnished by someone who loves to shop at World Market.  World Market, right? Does anybody buy anything there but sometimes snacks and beers of the world? Also, what’s the deal with WORLD MUSIC? Like, everything is fucking world music, if you really fucking think about it.  And, I do. 

BUT ANYWAY, so I’m driving and thinking about the one and only good thing I got at world market- it was a fucking breakfast hutch pillow for my GRANDMOTHER and how World Music isn’t a genre for anyone but my GRANDMOTHER and then I heard three fucking rad songs, all in a row.  Heart’s “Barracuda,” Pink Floyd’s “Comfortably Numb” off The Wall Album and Nirvana’s cover of “The Man Who Sold the World.” Fucking amazing, right? Just like The shorts of Jan Svankmeyer, but not like my Volkswagen Beetle’s dashboard, which is unusually large. 

Anyhow, cults are for crazy people. 

You’re Welcome,

Rebecca