Say Something Funny...B*tch

Did the day pass you by?  Fear not, here’s today in five jokes:

In fashions news, ten years ago today the “turtleneck under a sweatshirt” look had its last moment in the spotlight.

Senate leaders are negotiating a deal to end the shutdown. They all agreed there should be less government. The first to be cut: The House.

Today Italian-Americans celebrate their heritage. As an Italian-American, I’m disappointed our culture is associated with megalomaniacal behavior: Columbus, the Mafia, Everybody Loves Raymond.

A man lost in the California wilderness survived for 19 days by eating algae. This is also how he survived when he was once lost in Beverly Hills.

Over the weekend, The Hills star Lauren Conrad got engaged. Well, maybe. When her boyfriend popped the question she answered by staring at him blankly for a really long time while a Michelle Branch song swelled underneath and then cut to commercial. We think that’s a “yes.”

And something a little extra:

An affirmation to help you get through tomorrow/Homeland spoiler:

No matter how bad your day is going at least a pedophile isn’t trying to hook you on heroin in a Venezuelan squatter prison.

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