I have to get to church, but I feel like I needed to update.

Life is good. This semester is much easier than the last semester.

I did end up getting that new part time music related gig I mentioned a couple of posts ago. I am very happy I got it.

I'm realizing I completed my undergraduate degree with a lot of really rotten people. I attended a national conference this past week and I realize how much better life is now that I've moved away and I don't have to see/deal with some of these people on a monthly basis. I should be able to carve out a much better future living here. That's all I am going to say about that.

Nothing has budged on the weight-loss front, and I really need to find out ways to lose this weight and fast. As much is I don't like to address it publicly, I just don't want to be the fat guy anymore. This, along with being single, is really the only serious thing negative in my life right now that's keeping me from living my best life. I am at the very least need to graduate where my weight start with a 1 and not 3.

More on these developments later...

Quick update

As much as I feel for my professor who has a family emergency, I can relax a bit on my final paper that was due today that I have been writing (and struggling on) for the past couple of hours, as class has been cancelled.  Looks like I can hold off on finishing until tonight (I present Wednesday, but presentations were also today so those got pushed back to Wednesday, so...we’ll see).

Even though I’m kicking myself over it, I didn’t work all of my scheduled hours this week (if you haven’t gathered from my last post, I’m a food [and more] delivery driver for a localized company [think UberEats/GrubHub]), but still managed to earn almost $500 between Wednesday and last night [Sunday]...tried to work on Thanksgiving, but only one of the 6 places I was sent to was open.  Oh, and Thanksgiving where I didn’t have to be around anyone was AWESOME!).

This is concert week at school.  My performing choir sings a large choral work on Saturday night (with a dress Friday afternoon and an extended rehearsal until 8pm tonight), and the choir I’m TA-ing this semester sings Sunday afternoon (with an extended rehearsal Thursday evening, which means I’m either going to miss men’s organization choir in NACMC or go after [a 40 minute drive away from school] and go for half a rehearsal).  It’s okay, school, I didn’t even want to work this week even though I need money...

I’m so glad this semester is almost over.  I’m like 60% sure next semester is going to be so much easier in terms of workload and balancing my life between school, homework, my delivery job, my church job, the potential job where I’m directing a women’s chorus in CBM (my audition is on December 10th), singing with my current men’s organization choir in NACMC (I don’t remember if I mentioned this, but I was made section leader several weeks ago), finally joining the men’s organization choir in CBM, and everything else I have going on, plus getting functional sleep every night (gone are the days I can sleep 2 hours a night for 3 or 4 days at a time and can bounce around the next day--I’m in my 30s and I just don’t have the ability to do that anymore).  I haven’t been able to go to the gym in weeks, and I don’t have a clue if I’ve lost or gained weight.  But this, like the rest of my life, needs to go to the front burner.  The hope is to take a couple of days off between when finals start on December 7th (I only have one traditional final, and the rest are take-home or projects) from most things and FINALLY unpack my boxes (yes, I’ve been here since August and I still have upwards to 20 boxes to unpack).  That’s how busy life has been.  I’m also counting down the days I get financial aid money refunded back to me.

My father bought my plane ticket to visit my family in Used To Be Adjacent State over the holidays, of which I’m appreciative of, even though I was mostly okay with driving 17 hours there (I say “mostly” because My Poor Car scares me sometimes) because I wanted to add in a side trip to M-SSC.  Well, due to my stupidity and his groundedness, the trip is too long (I’m leaving Christmas Day [I have Christmas Eve service at my church job] and come back Jan. 3rd [which means I’ll miss the Wednesday night church choir rehearsal for the following Sunday...that I direct...I just told the choir yesterday, and I guess I’ll be singing a solo that next Sunday).  Plus, I’m not going to have access to a [i.e., my] car and my parents live in The Middle Of Nowhere an hour from civilization and 15 minutes from “anything to do” so that has been quite annoyed.  I don’t mind spending time with my family, but they’ll (my mother and YoungerSis) likely be back at work on the 26th and gone most of the day.  OlderSis and BroInLaw will have CuteNiece to deal with and will probably be gone doing their own thing.  My father will probably take off until probably the 27th or 28th, so there’s that.  Which leaves me in this big house in rural emptiness doing nothing.  I don’t mind the length (had I drove, I probably would’ve left January 2nd-3rd and spent 2-3 days in M-SSC before driving back home); it’s moreso not having anything to do besides going walking in my parent’s small neighborhood, watching TV (which gets old after 3 days since I haven’t mindlessly watched TV in years), or doing anything I’ve brought (I guess I can finally unpack my laptop I bought for school that’s been sitting in the box since I got it in July).  So...yeah.

Alright, time to get dress and tackle this week.

If you order almost $60 worth of food, from a ritzy restaurant in the downtown area of a major metropolitan city on a Friday night where there is very limited parking, and you live a solid 12 minute drive away, and then don't give directions on your complicated location because your driveway isn't on the street that you live on, and then have the gumption to give your delivery driver $2.00 because it took them an hour?

You deserve to die in a fire. Go to Hell.

So many things to say, but I'm too tired and it's too late. I will say this:

I hate working Halloween weekend. I didn't grow up celebrating the holiday, and I'm a grouchy, elderly man inside of a less-grouchy man in his 30s, so I just don't get it.

I also hate my phone (related to the hate above). I'm way past due to get a new one.

I'm also over not having any money. Being broke all the time has been my biggest regret about returning to school.

Once my phone finally stops having multiple strokes, I'm going to bed.

I’ll be quick and hopefully will write a more detailed post later

Grad school is [mostly] great! I’m a month in, and I’m doing well in all of my classes.  I really feel I’m finally in a place where I can thrive and grow, albeit, I’m a little homesick.

My new area is great.  I could do without the heat, though.

I don’t like not having money.  I thought I used to be broke, but at least I was bringing in a little dough.  In the process of finding a part-time gig.

Moving is awful.  90% of my stuff is sitting in about 25 boxes stacked all over my new, much smaller and more expensive apartment.  At least it’s quiet?

I started going back to the gym last week.  I started eating healthier about 2 weeks ago, and it’s [mostly] sticking.  My father said we’re (my family) going to do a cruise (my first) the summer I graduate, and I would love to be able to be thin[ner] by then.

My car’s radiator died a day after I got the coolant replaced.  This was last week.  I’m $1,000 in the hole.  I live in a place where I need a car, so I had to do what I had to do.  I really need for this car to last me until I start working full-time again in 2 years.

I’m incredibly thankful--I feel like I was given a new life that I’ve been hoping and wishing and praying for for a long time.  I feel like I have a new outlook on life--I feel a lot more positive too.  I feel genuinely happy!

Okay, finishing up my last assignment before bed!

Grad School Decision

Today is apparently the 5th anniversary of my creation of my Tumblr, and I didn't go to work today, so I'm writing a post.

First off, I know where I'm going to grad school. It's actually (as referenced in my last personal post) Grad School Choice #4. I *did* get into Grad School Choice #1, after they FINALLY responded back to an email I sent them because I got tired of waiting for them to get back to me and it was already April and I auditioned for them in mid-February. However, they only gave me the option to pay in-state tuition, which was still like $6,000 per semester. No scholarship, no assistantship, nothing else. Doable with the federal loans I got, but...yeah, not ideal. Later in the week, GSC #4 gwho had offered me an initial $1,000 scholarship in addition to in-state tuition [$10,000/semester]) called me and said they are going to offer me a tiny assistantship since it came open and my primary professor snatched it up, more scholarship money if they can find it, one of the 2 two church jobs open, a directorship with the city's men's chorus in the same organization as my current men's chorus, and the professor who directs one of the few professional choruses in the country is on staff and he wanted to talk to ME (which we briefly did on yesterday; only managed to make myself look like half an idiot). Unlike my top choice, who had been radio silent for 7 weeks, they have been in contact with me through email and regular mail at least a dozen times. When I talked to the professional chorus professor, he told me I would have individual lessons with him (which was only going to be offered at the school I got waitlisted at), which is much more attractive to me than seminar/group classes, which is what was offered everywhere else I auditioned. I spent several days about picking them over my top choice, a place where I've wanted to attend for at least 3ish years (I even started buying attire), as it is ranked lower, is recognized more so as a party school, in a small college town that I did not like (the two extremely large cities it sits between are 30 minutes and 50 minutes away, respectively...and both are larger than the city where my top choice is located) in a climate I don't like/was trying to get away from (M-SSC is hot, the grad school city is even hotter and at times drier...give me snow and weather in the 50s and lower half of the year, darn it!!!). After talking to nearly everyone I trust, they all essentially said I need to make the choice alone, but seemed to guide me to pick GSC #4, so that's where I'll be going.

More to come later.

Grad School Update - In Limbo

My 1st choice: I have received nothing since my audition in mid-February.  They’re currently on Spring Break, so the earliest I will hear from them will likely be mid-week next week.  They’ve been waiting on my GRE scores, which I took a week after my audition (only school who required the GRE...#Annoying...my writing score and verbal score is surprising good/competitive, but my math score is surprising not great because I thought my math skills were much stronger).  My scores were available (and I’m assuming were released to them) on March 1st, but I logged into my grad school portal, and they haven’t updated the test score portion yet.  I have no idea how its going to pan out...I’d like to think I got in, and with money, since they’ve waited this long, but I’m also concerned.

2nd choice: I mentioned in my last personal post that I got into this school first, 2 weeks after I auditioned.  Unfortunately, they mailed me a letter I received yesterday that they aren’t offering me an assistantship, which is pretty much the kiss of death.  Considering they’re a private school (the only one I applied to), there’s no way I’m going to be able to afford to go there, even with private loans (which I doubt I’ll have the credit to get anyway) on top of the public loans.  They could offer me an assistantship to me if the others they have accepted with a GA position decline, but I’m really not all that confident.  I was shocked when I got the letter, because I applied for positions outside of my primary field, and was quite surprised that they weren’t offering me anything, especially since, because 1st choice is dragging their heels, I definitely started to strongly consider moving to 2nd choice’s city.

3rd choice: Waitlisted.  They’re probably the most competitive school I auditioned for, so I don’t see myself getting off of the waitlist.

4th choice: After what I personally thought was a weak audition, I surprisingly got accepted. However, because I pretty much wrote them off (as I found out I got into 2nd choice the day of 4th choice’s audition), I didn’t bother to complete the assistantship application, whose final deadline date was yesterday.  They’ll likely offer me a very small scholarship, which would make my tuition in-state (and semi-affordable with loans), but, it’s also my 4th choice.  I like the professors, I think it offers what I will probably need, but some of the stuff I hated about the school/program I also hated in VLPRU, and I’m really hesitant to go there.  It’s also the only school that I feel like is a huge step down from VLPRU, where I think choices 1-3 are more side-steps than anything.

5th choice: Didn’t finish applying, despite paying the application fee ($40).  As of this point, I don’t plan to finish applying either.

6th and 7th choices (the in-state fall back, and the university 40 minutes from my parents): Didn’t bother applying.  The school closest to my parents’ deadline has passed, but I could still apply for the in-state fall back.  For various reasons, mainly getting myself out of MyState and doing greater things/starting over elsewhere, I’m not all that excited about applying to the fall back, especially this late in the game.

[sigh]

I hate that I’m putting all my eggs in 1st choice’s basket, especially they haven’t reached out to me in over a month.  I’m also afraid that, even if I do get in, I won’t have any funding because it’s already mid-March, which makes going there useless. 

I can’t live in M-SSC another year, but I also don’t want to go with my fall back of trying to move to another state far away from here and try for jobs because...I tried that last year and I was ignored.  My church is expecting me to be gone in August.  And I’m done with my men’s chorus.  Also, I don’t want to wait another year to go to grad school and reapply all over again. 

I’m stuck in limbo.  And I hate it.