13 Thoughts on “13 Reasons Why”

* Spoilers if you haven’t finished the season, and a trigger warning: I do not hold back in discussing the issues the show faces *

* This show was bittersweet for me. I think everything on it needed to be discussed, yet I know it had its faults and triggers. These are merely my personal reactions, and I hope you’ll take the time to empathize with them. And if anyone is triggered by my use of the number “13” in this list, please know that I am literally using the number in the title of the show, I am not insensitively mocking the numbering of the tapes. I assure you that this post is sensitive and extremely empathetic to these issues * 

1) This show is not perfect. It takes a very blunt, triggering approach to incredibly haunting issues, therefore it took risks that didn’t always come out well. 

2) Does it “glorify suicide”? I think this is debatable. When I first started watching, I thought that it definitely did. I thought that having Hannah basically become a celebrity from these tapes, and “looking for attention” was an issue. But then I kept watching. At the final moment of the first season, is there any glorification of her? How about her corpse in the bathroom - was she a celebrity then? No. She was a destroyed, lost and lifeless human being. She was no longer haunting over the show as some ghostly narrator looking for attention: she was the dead body of a lost girl. 

3) Is the show insensitive? Yes. But change doesn’t come from sugar coating these issues, it comes from triggering a reaction. It comes from seeing it, talking about it, and trying to fix it. It wasn’t always perfectly executed, or acted (sorry not sorry), but it had something to say and it sure as hell sparked an awareness.

4) I think the awareness and consequences of bullying should be unveiled, and I believe the show did an amazing job at showing just how complicated that process is from the perspective of youth. I felt terrible pity for SOME of the students involved in Hannah’s bullying and those tapes, but Clay’s experience, understandably, destroyed me.  

5) Yes, he was afraid to love Hannah, and yes his affection may have helped her, but no one could know. Clay didn’t deserve to be tortured like that, and I thought that was incredibly cruel. Then again, this proved he was the only one strong enough to see out the repercussions. It’s complicated: the nature of the show. 

6) This show made me deathly afraid to have children. I’m 20 years old and this isn’t a huge thought for me at the moment, but oh my god I am terrified to never know that my little boy or girl was hurt, abused, or lost like so many others. Like people I know. I empathized with Hannah’s parents to the point that I don’t know if I’d be strong enough to endure that. My niece is 10 months old, and I am heartbroken that this is the world she has to endure. I want to protect her from everyone and everything, but I know I can only do my best. I’m scared shitless for the world I can’t fully protect her from. 

7) I’ve witnessed bullying and haven’t stopped it. I’ve listened to rumours and haven’t stopped them.  I’ve never started a rumour, but I’ve never tried to end one either. This is where change begins. This is how every single one of us can fight this. 

8) I think believing that “yeah, high school (etc) sucks, people are cruel, and that’s just the way it is” is the biggest load of bullshit. I think Clay was right, and fighting to rid this from being an excuse is vital in attempting to change this messed up world. 

9) If the online reaction from this show has taught me anything, it’s that a lot of young and older people are truly, disgustingly unempathetic. How DARE you “prom-pose” to a girl with “13 Reasons Why You Should Go to Prom With Me”, or whatever that horrible post said. Why in god’s name would you do this? Why are there memes joking about this show? Show some goddamn respect for the girls and boys who have been raped, bullied, lost, ostracized... and those who died. These aren’t real people on the show, but I can tell you for a fact that almost everyone reading this has seen these events, in one way or another, around them. I hope the people who have taken part in these posts are horrified and disgusted by their actions, because any decent, moral person would be. 

10) I’ve watched one of my closest friends be on the verge of ending her life. I’ve seen the lifeless look in her eyes as she swayed between the want to stay alive and the need for her pain to end. She survived, not without scars, but she did it. I wasn’t perfect in helping her, and she wasn’t perfect at accepting my help, but because she kept fighting she got to become one amazing person. The point of this is that suicide is never an option. Some pain is temporary, and some isn’t. But from pain we evolve, and if you fight for your life and ask for help, there is hope. If my friend that I mentioned is reading this right now, know that I love you, that many people do, and that we all sucked at helping you when you felt you couldn’t get up: but you did it. You deserve every adventure and wonderment that life has in store for you. I wish everyone in that situation had the courage you did. 

11) I know in this technological age that the dependence on social media seems vital, but if there’s one thing that this show didn’t do justice in exploring is how much we all need to steer clear of its negative affects. Turn off YouTube comments, don’t feed into the hate and judgement, and know that you can never control what people do or say. What you can control is how involved you are in it. It’s hard enough learning how to mature enough to not care about what people think so much, so please, don’t let the comments consume you. You’re a person, not an image or a comment or a post. You are so much more than the screen can make you out to be.

12) Hannah was never alone. She had Clay and her parents, despite their obliviousness. You are not alone. Sometimes finding help can feel hopeless, but it’s never hopeless. No matter what they tell you, or how ostracized you feel, there is help out there. So many countries have plentiful hot lines, online chats, and centres to help anyone in need: so fight like hell, because you matter, and you’re not replaceable or invisible. I think this show doesn’t do enough justice to how vital this is. 

13) “13 Reasons Why” was disturbing, insensitive at times, and heavily triggering. It revealed how cruel people can be, and the consequences of bullying and sexual abuse in its most extreme form. But this show changed me for the better, and made me want to save the world. I can’t save the world. But I sure as hell can try to do my part, and even take part in larger organizations devoted to healing those affected by - and preventing - suicide. Despite some flaws in its depictions and writing, I am thankful that this discussion is on the forefront of so many people’s minds. Change starts with every single person’s own actions: so be the change and change will come. And please, if this show has taught me anything, never stop fighting for your life: the fight is worth it, I promise.  

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