Yall ever have this experience with your parents?

They can be the smartest damn people in the world, I mean some Stephen Hawkins shit and for some reason they don’t know their shapes or colors? My mom graduated college and my granny ,highschool yet if im missing a box or something of a solid color they have no idea what it is. I could be like :

Me: Mom! Have you seen my white shoebox with the pink dots on them?

Mom: no, it’s probably in that junk in your room.

Me: But mom, I left it in the living room before I went to school.

Mom: I don’t know!

several weeks later, I find it in a laundry room closet.

Me: This is what I was looking for mom!

Mom: I thought it was a circle

or

Me: Granny, have you seen my purple square box?

Granny: No, it’s somewhere in all your stuff.

Me: It’s purple, its about this big, completely square and eggplant purple.

Granny: Never seen it.

The next day, in grannys bedroom:

Me: Granny, thats the box I was looking for

Granny:oh, I thought that was black.

I think my favorite word of all time is “Sandwiches”. It just sounds soothing to say. Sandwiches. Its a comforting sound evoking picnics, hiking and comfort foods. Sandwiches don’t discriminate either. They don’t care if you’re black or white, rich or poor, Jewish or Muslim, Vegan or Omnivore. Sandwiches are good by the grace of whatever gods you may or may not believe in. It’s Kosher, Halal, gluten free, vegan, good for a diet or fattening. Sandwiches are so good that every country on the planet has a freaking sandwich they created. And there’s not just one kind either.  

There’s:

bread sandwich, mayonnaise sandwich, tomato sandwich, meatloaf sandwich, blt sandwich, ham sandwich, toasted ham sandwich, ham and cheese sandwich, toasted ham and cheese sandwich, Sub sandwich,peanut butter and jelly sandwich, jelly sandwich, peanut butter sandwich, almond butter sandwich,cucumber sandwich, turkey sandwich, cheese sandwich, grilled cheese sandwich, roast beef sandwich, philly cheese steak sandwich,peanut butter and banana sandwich, tuna sandwich, club sandwich,Cuban sandwich, po boy sandwich, Reuben sandwich, egg salad sandwich, fried egg sandwich,poached egg sandwich, scrambled egg sandwich, bologna sandwich,pastrami sandwich, gyro sandwich, falafel sandwich, fish sandwich, patty melt sandwich, meatball sub sandwich, vegan meatball sub sandwich, crab sandwich, faux crab sandwich, nutella sandwich, toasted nutella sandwich,  croque madame sandwich, lobster sandwich, pulled pork sandwich, the gobbler sandwich (left over Thanksgiving food), chicken parmasian sandwich, veal parmasian sandwich, cheese steak sandwich, lactose free cheese steak sandwich, etc. 

Sandwiches are awesome foods that comfort your soul.

Dear My Generation (gen-x)

I was born in 1980 and I am considered Generation X and yes, things were different then but how dare we complain about Millennial and what they have. How dare we say shit like, “I wish we had things like it use to be”. No we fucking don’t! Do any of us really remember the 90s? Do we remember the homeless style called “grunge”? Do we remember the look of “Haven’t washed my hair in a month”? Of what about glitter gels for hair and body and that shit getting in your eyes? Generation Millennial here’s what we had :

A- we complain about the old days yet the old days was contrived from them other old days. Examples: the return of britpop which was from the 60s Puffy/puff daddy/p diddy/ whatever his name was, taking a shit ton of 80s pop records and rapping over them for a good chunk of a decade...Speaking of brit pop, we had the seed bead necklace/bracelet combos all from the 1960s as well as John Lennon glasses circa late 70s. Freaking Swedish half boys half girl groups ala ABBA.

b- Music. I love grunge as an angst y teen. I love the grunge look and the moody music. Todays music is more upbeat and the clothes don’t make you look fucking homeless. Looking back on it- everyone looked bored af. People sung about suicide, dying, i mean it was depressing!

C- music festivals- We had 2 woodstocks- grungy woodstock which was beautiful just like the original. Shitty muds and kick ass music. Then we had woodstock 3 aka Rapestock. Raping and burning for the fuck of it. There was another one but it wasn’t as remembered .

D-TV basically the same shit thats on today. Drama, Marvel/DC comics, reality shows, etc.

E- Internet. The net back then was dial up which sounded like someone sodomizing Donald Duck while using a cattle prod on Daisy. Good luck with file sharing. It took 5 minutes just to load a nudie pic. Imagine a 95 mb file. Games? Well none for online tho, but we did have little 10 mb or less files.

F- Media devices & phones- Flip phones were common when I was a teen, those batteries were shit, reception was shit, no music play, and tough titties on internet. Also, No emojis T_T. Music devices? No ipod, that was later on. We have cd players which used (and eat ) batteries like groceries. Also they skipped for no reason. There was also cassette players, these things would eat and destroy the cassettes.

G- schools we had school shooting also :( and  fluoride in our school approved  mouthwash. Fluoride was that stuff the Nazis used. Some schools had no AC in some buildings.

H-  LGBTQ & women’s rights . If you were gay, bi or even trans, you were in deep shit. Yo couldn’t get married, adopt. No crimes against killing one of you. Some killers even said they feared for their lives hence why they killed one. As for us ladies, sexual harrassment seminars were just becoming a thing and into the early part of 90s, courts could ask a woman what she was wearing or if she had an orgasm during the rape.

I- prices. “Stuff was cheaper in my day” yeah compared to the prices of the current market today but when compared to how much the US dollar was worth- its about the same. Growing up in a small town, we didn’t have dollar stores until the 2000s so wal-mart or drug stores was where I got my school supplies. In 1995, a 99 cent bottle of elmer’s colored glue was like $3.99 today. Sure some could afford it but my po ass had to settle for 15 cent generic. We had cd singles for $3.99 and cassette singles for $2.99 for 2 songs (the original and either a remix or some crappy b side)

So things were not better back then. We didn’t have tablets, pumpkin spice anything, no game of thrones, walking dead (comic or tv show) and no fortnight! No google, no youtube, no Amber alert, no the 90s were not that fucking great! And don’t get me started on acid wash!

One thing I do miss, scrambled porn. Man, I miss scrambled porn.

I hate it when people claim to have an illness

just for some sympathy or likes or some attention driven shit . They don’t understand or have to deal with the daily fear, anger, frustration, self shame, an anxiety with having to deal with something 24/7

Don’t fucking claim to have panic attacks because someone used the wrong pronoun on your favorite MLP.

don’’t claim you have “excessive hair genes” because you have one strand of hair on your upper lip

dont claim to have body dysphoria because you dont like how one titty is smaller than the other.

dont claim to be trans to impress a girl/guy you like.

Unless you’ve been examined by a trained professionalist in that said field, don’t claim you have anything! You can say  that you think you might have or you wonder if that’s what it is but don’t posting on social media that you have shit.

Everyone’s like “OMG CARL  GOT  BIT!”,  “CORAL’S GONNA DIE!”, “ cARL CAN’T DIE,  DAMN YOU KIRKMAN!”

and I’m like, “Where dafuq  is Heath?”

So I was looking up the Spanish phrase  for “Baby shower” and all my answers  were “baby shower”.So  I thought  google was being a dick but turns out Baby shower is baby shower in Spanish