Avatar

Big Heart, Bigger Weights.

@backto-thebar / backto-thebar.tumblr.com

Heart defect. Open heart surgery survivor. CrossFit. Social work. Public health. Fight the system, make change. Lost the love of my life this year. Just getting by.
Avatar

Happy Birthday, my love. I miss you with my everything, every second & every breath of every day.

Avatar
Avatar
kilbaro

JESUS?? 

JESUS????

i had no idea they were so frickin huge

Avatar
madsciences

I love them so much because they’re about as sharp as a baseball and their anatomy is ridiculous to the point of them literally being classified as plankton for years because they just sort of get blown around by the ocean and look confused, but because they lay more eggs than ANY OTHER VERTEBRATE IN EXISTENCE, evolution can’t stop them

Why is no big predator coming and gnawing on them?

Their biggest defense is that they’re massive and have super tough skin, but they do get hunted by sharks or sea lions sometimes and they just sort of float there like ‘oh bother’ as it happens

Even funnier, because they eat nothing but jellyfish they’re really low in nutritional value anyway, so they basically survive by being not worth eating because they’re like a big floating rice cracker wrapped in leather.

So basically the only reason natural selection hasn’t taken care if them is because they are the most useless fish

yes, they’ve perfected uselessness to the point of being unstoppable

a true inspiration

This is the only evidence I needed that minding your own business is the best way to survive

Avatar

We would be celebrating your birthday this weekend

Since it’s Tuesday.

I should be coming home to you on this Friday afternoon, not home to just our cats.

I wonder, so often, what their little brains think about your absence?

Avatar

Grief is complicated and weird and a process and a step forward and five steps back. With that noted, I went on a date Friday. And here's my nervous face because I'm a spazz. I will never not love Graham. And I'm really fearful of judgement for dating but, at some point I have to let go of my fear of judgement and just love my life, right?

Avatar
reblogged

Don’t Hesitate To Ask

Every year the Scottish Poetry Library chooses some of the best poems of the previous year. This is one that made the 2016 list… So many of the people I’ve informed that she is dead have said ‘If there’s anything we can do, anything at all, don’t hesitate to ask.’ Well, actually, since you offer, yes: Would you mind driving me headlong through the universe at ten million miles an hour, scattering stars like trashcans scorching the sky? Put your foot to the floor, crash right through the gate of Fate, trespass galaxies, straight over black holes and supernovas to the hideout of God. Wait for me while I break down the boardroom door and drag the high and mighty fucker out of his conference with Eternity, his summit on the Mysteries Of Life, and get him to explain to me why it was so necessary to torture and humiliate and finally exterminate my wife. But no. These things I do not say because I know that by ‘anything at all’ you mean a cup of tea or a lift into town, if you’re going that way anyway. Michel Faber

“This poem was written shortly after my wife Eva died of cancer. We had lived together in a railway stationhouse in the Highlands for many years and I returned there alone to grieve. It was an isolated spot and I’m not a driver so naturally neighbours, friends and acquaintances offered various kinds of support.

It is, of course, lovely when people offer you a lift into town or a cup of tea. And useful, too. But the poem addresses the impossible gulf between such gestures and what you truly feel you need when you’ve just lost the love of your life.

Most poems that address death and grief are elegiac and dignified, wrapping up the pain in garlands of beautiful verse. That’s fine for those who want that. This poem is for those who want something else.”

This poem speaks to the depths of my soul. ❤️

You are using an unsupported browser and things might not work as intended. Please make sure you're using the latest version of Chrome, Firefox, Safari, or Edge.