CLOSE ENOUGH

im not immune to how corsets make breasts look

cats would be so fucking upset if they understood they were missing out on the ability to lie verbally

Being a little too cold: brrrr i’m a little too cold !!!

Being a little too warm: i am going to kill the next person who makes eye contact with me.

i say "godspeed, soldier" way too much for someone who puts their faith in neither god nor the military

GIRL HELP I EVOLVED FRUIT GUMMY AND HES LITERALLY THE SIZE OF MY ENTIRE ROOM

Pokemon Go was worth it just for the occasional glimpses we get into what social media is like in the actual pokemon universe

me: chat what do we think

the angel and devil on my shoulders: can you not call us that please

The rich siphoned your labor value in a rigged system. You just want it back. #TaxTheRich

i call my parents and say ‘yeah i can’t do family stuff tonight, i got too much stuff to do for school’ and i e-mail my professor and say ‘i can’t do my assignments tonight, work got crazy’ and i text my boss and say ‘sorry i can’t work late tonight, i gotta some family stuff’ and through this triangulation of deceitful excuses i at last will be free

Tons more at the source!