we are gonna be vacuuming up this post for the next five years

nothing worse than when the person drawing your blood fails the medicine AND sleight of hand check

(-1) ough (-4 ) agh! (-14) agh!!! (-3) AH! (-11)

Twenty years ago, February 15th, 2004, I got married for the first time.

It was twenty years earlier than I ever expected to.

To celebrate/comemorate the date, I'm sitting down to write out everything I remember as I remember it. No checking all the pictures I took or all the times I've written about this before. I'm not going to turn to my husband (of twenty years, how the f'ing hell) to remember a detail for me.

This is not a 100% accurate recounting of that first wild weekend in San Francisco. But it -is- a 100% accurate recounting of how I remember it today, twenty years after the fact.

Join me below, if you would.

To all the people in the notes wondering how we got anywhere before GPS: we got lost a lot. Like a lot. If it was a new place we would pull out the maps, we all had local maps in the car and then these huge huge huge books of maps called atlases and we'd have one for every state we'd be driving through

And before a trip we would plot our whole entire route, and go back over it every night at the hotel, and we would write all the directions down on a little note and someone would be in charge of navigation and making sure we didn't miss any turns.

For local stuff all directions would be described in reference to other things. You still see this when older folks give directions. Do you ever get the "do you know where the ruby Tuesday is? No? How about the Buffalo wild wings? Yeah okay so from there go down til you see a Wendy's and turn left..." instead of them just telling u the address so u can plug it into ur GPS? That's why.

I have fond memories of getting helaciously lost in Kentucky because we had to go around a bad accident, and we didn't have a Kentucky map because we hadn't planned on going thru Kentucky and we stopped at a gas station to get a map but they didn't have any and my dad came back to the car swearing up and down about these goddamn Kentucky communists who didn't even sell maps in their gas stations,

honestly the funniest thing about this post is referring to kentuckians as communists.

I didn’t take many photos this weekend, but you can enjoy this one that made me laugh.

I had a dream I was watching keeping up with the kardashians and Kylie had gotten cyborg legs like they had taken the legs of an AT-ST from Star Wars and put them on her lower half so she was like 11 feet tall and Kim was like “I think Kylie’s new legs are SO fun..”

I literally think about this post every day

world heritage post

you’re outside, the moon has just fully eclipsed the sun, and you hear me yell in anguish. you look over and watch, horrified, as the sleeves on my “sun’s out, guns out” shirt start to rematerialize

What are some chronic illnesses that can only occur in a fantasy setting?

"but if we made healthcare and food and housing and education and internet free then the economy would collapse" setting aside the whole "the very fact that you're saying that is proof your system is unjustifiably bad" thing for a second, like, dude.

let's get capitalist here for a second.

there's so many goddamn things to spend money on.

there's so many video games. there's so much music. there's so many movies to watch and so many streaming services to subscribe to. there's so many books to buy and nerdy fandom t-shirts to purchase. SO many nerdy fandom t-shirts. there's so many cool cars and backpacks and after effects plugins. there's so many water bottles and cute mugs and paintings. there's so much software. there's so many sculptures and tchotchkes and fresh coats of paint and fun blankets and graphics cards. there's so many fun socks and colours of sculpey. there's so many rad gaming keyboards and novelty salt shakers and leather jackets and cool umbrellas and hair pins. there's so many nerdy fandom t-shirts, dude. there are so fucking many nerdy fandom t-shirts.

there's so so SO much stuff that I am SLAVERING AT THE MOUTH to pay money for, there's so much fucking stuff that people desperately want to stimulate the economy by purchasing, but can't because their money is being burned on basic necessities.

you want to make the economy better? your precious capitalist economy that you jerk off to every night?

give people the opportunity to spend their god fucking damn money, dude.

like cmon dude

more importantly, the economy ≠ capitalism??? yall know that markets and the existence of an economy aren’t going away, right? markets are just people getting together who want to exchange goods/services. an industry is the markets specific to a particular good or service. an economy is a jurisdictional entity’s industries taken as a whole (a state, a nation, etc). capitalism has to do with who owns the means of production, who makes profit (and whether it’s necessary for full intentional function), and the relationship of ownership to scarcity. markets and economies will still exist because they’re a fundamental mechanism of societies.

love it when a nondog baby animal is called a pup anyway

hi dogys

wuppies ☝️

Listen, i want everything to be as least wasteful as possible. I want everything to be ethically sourced as possible. I appreciate the want and drive to achieve that goal. But there is a certain point where, if these are the tags im seeing on my dashboard attached to a chocolate guy video:

You may need to lighten the fuck up

Im also gonna point out:

1. Chefs like him make these massive scale sculptures as custom orders. Meaning that chocolate guy is probably being paid to make these things and pass them on to events or what have you. Meaning that whatever happens to them after the video is made is, in fact, out of his hands and not on him.

2. The fact that he produces these projects on a "massive scale" kinda backs up this possibility. Considering he's in this industrial kitchen with specialty equipment points to this being his full time job rather than a silly hobby he does for fun.

3. Even if neither of the above points is true, the chocolate IS all being used, because its the base material for an art piece. Using something for art is not wasting it. If you have this attitude that using something consumable for art is wasteful, you might as well just say that having decorative pillows make you bourgeois. Art IS a valid and useful purpose on its own, it doesnt need to justify itself.

4. If you think its just that easy to get ethically sourced chocolate, you are about to have a very rude awakening. Exploitation and straight up slavery is so ubiquitous in the chocolate industry that even companies that are built on making ethically sourced chocolate have disclaimers explaining that there is just no way to be 100% sure and that the best they can do is just the best they can do, but that they cant absolutely guarantee that every bean was ethically sourced. If even the manufacturers dedicated to being ethical can't guarantee that, it's unrealistic to expect an independent french chef doing chocolate sculptures to do that. It's not that easy to just get ethically sourced chocolate, the industry is so incredibly fucked at this point. That doesn't mean that we shouldnt support harsher regulations and inspections and what have you, but it does mean that crossing your arms and tsk tsking people for eating chocolate is just gonna get you rightful eye rolls. Theres really not much any of us can realistically do about it unless youre a nestle board director, which im gonna go out on a limb and assume you arent. Its a harsh reality, but youre going to have to accept that and stop expecting french chefs to do the kind of legwork that not even nonprofits can manage to achieve. (There is a very good Last Week Tonight episode on the chocolate industry for those who want to know more about this topic)

5. If your first thought regarding a beautiful edible sculpture that is truly a work of art is "but that MIGHT be wasteful and unethical" you may be contributing to your own misery by filtering everything through a negative light. And might want to, again, lighten the fuck up

One of the best shot of Total Solar Eclipse from 08-04-2024.

Via @nasa-official

she has homophobia 😍

when I was in high school my dad was speeding like crazy because I was running late to my job at the cemetery. and the cop who pulled him over gave him three whole tickets because who the hell goes 95 in a 25??? but then, when my dad went to court the cop didn’t show, and so the judge looked over at the charges and just couldn’t believe it. he thought the cop must’ve been so racist that he made it up because who the hell goes 95 in a 25? so my dad got all 3 tickets dismissed bc of racism. that he didn’t even experience because he was in fact going 95 in a 25.

to clarify. my dad used to be a cab driver in ny and he also grew up in india so he just drives like a dickhead.