Our anniversary is Monday. My husband got a gift for me which was unexpected. We didn’t talk about gifts at all. He didn’t ask me for ideas. He just ordered me something. Idk what it is.

So I scrambled to find him something.

Now. He’s trying to create a new vibe for himself. Long hair, beard, camper/outdoorsy vibe.

So I found this today:

The shorts are a linen blend (and that’s one of the things for the 12th anniversary).

If I can find some fake Birkenstocks for less than $30, I may scrap one of the shirts and get those instead. Save a shirt for Father’s Day.

But I think he’ll like it. Now I’m excited and I’m a terrible secret keeper so I want to give him his gift now 🙃😂.

Anyways. Here’s to year 12.

Today is May 1st.

It’s my girl’s 4th birthday, which is crazy. Hard to believe my kids are getting old so fast. That I’ve been a mom this long.

Been in stress paralysis all morning bc I realized how little time we have to get everything in order and get out of our house. And try to possibly find something super part time and remote to bring in a little money.

I’m feeling the weight of life today.

Yay May! 🙃

Crowdsourcing—

I’m looking for reusable insulated sandwich bags. Something the kids can carry in their backpack while hiking (so not bulky/heavy, but also helps keep the sandwich/snack cool).

Anyone have something similar they like? I’ve found the reusable and plenty of lunchbox style insulated bags, but no luck on something smaller so far.

My 3rd kid is the definition of a menace.

In the store he was grabbing at stuff so I told him “no” and moved his hands away. He swatted at my hands and yelled bc he’s insane. Then he just held my hand and put his face on it. I thought he was being sweet…. Until I felt little teeth digging into my finger. wtf man.

Then he laughed when I was like, “Are you seriously biting me right now?!”, and pulled my hand away.

He is trouble, in the cutest way lol.

He also climbed to the tallest slide at the park (all on his own) and jumped into the slide over and over and over again. Very literal when I say “jump” bc you could hear the thump when he landed in the slide lol.

Kid is only 18mo old. I’m in for a ride 😂

I am no fashionista. But my daughter is having a “princess” brunch for her birthday with two little friends (and their moms bc those are my friends lol).

I got her a cute Elsa-ish dress (and told the moms to let their girls wear princess dresses if they wanted) and my friend asked if I was going to dress up. I don’t have *fancy* clothes and we’re going to a pretty normal restaurant. I was thinking about getting this stuff but… is it too much together? Planned to wear some brown platform sandal things (similar to the ones pictured).

Thoughts?

Only related to my last post bc of the gym, I’m in a physical lull.

My workout routine is good (when I’m able to stick to it). It’s my nutrition that is garbage. I wish I could afford to pay someone to make me a good plan that I could also feed to my family.

Healthy, filling, and kid friendly. Those are the meals I need. At least for dinners.

I feel like garbage a lot bc my sleep is garbage and my nutrition sucks. I need to rein in my snacking and replace it with actual meals or healthier foods. And maybe more water and less hard seltzer.

Being a 34 year old mom of 3 makes eating healthy and losing weight tough. I have got to figure this out.

Logically I understand the purpose of a gym locker room. But as a person who has never enjoyed the ritual of changing in front of people, I also do not like seeing people change. Why can my gym not have a separate bathroom area?!

I just need to pee! I don’t want to see some lady’s boobs! Or have a conversation about the weather with a lady in her underwear 😭

That third born child.

This kid acts like he doesn’t know anything. He says things only when he feels like it, never when I ask for a yes or no. I’ve been teaching the baby sign stuff for forever. This kid never, ever signs unless he’s asking for milk lol (and even then it’s never when I ask if he wants milk… just when he’s frantically ready to go to bed haha). (Also, yes, my almost 18m old still nurses twice a day.) Or TODAY when he was whining at me and I said, “you say please mom” and he just starts signing please. I’ve been teaching him this for MONTHS with literally only eye rolling return lol.

We had friends over yesterday. The big boys (7, 6, and 5) were all jumping from a chair to the kiddie pool. I see my not even 18mo old climb the chair and gear up for the jump. I’m like MY GUY WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?

He’s a quiet one. But he’s so sneaky and smart. I’m so sad these are all last firsts. No one really tells you how sad it is to be done having kids. I don’t need (or really want) more kids. But I’ll miss this. Even the chaos. I’ll miss it.

If you take your dog on heavily trafficked/popular trails, please follow basic hiking etiquette.

I cannot stand coming up on an unleashed dog and the owner saying, “Oh, she’s friendly!” as their dog approaches my kid.

I truly do not care how friendly your dog is. You’re on a popular trail with a ton of foot traffic. I could have a massive fear of dogs. I could have a less friendly dog who is properly leashed but could be set off by your unleashed dog.

If you’re on some trail no one ever goes on, fine. Whatever. Other than that, keep your dog leashed. It’s really just common sense.

*rant over*

Well. I have 3 books on there bc I just started it… but I started a GoodReads account.

If you have one and want to help hold me accountable to read, feel free to friend me!

Open Question:

If you were following a person on social media (IG, FB, YT, TT, etc) that touched on the topics of marriage, relationships, family/kids, and life in general, what kinds of topics/questions would you hope were talked about?

Anything goes, really. Just authentic, real, honest conversations.

Doing research. Comment!

Tomorrow is a travel day.

We’re heading to the upstate for camping, Friday through Monday.

That means today is a prep day. Cleaning, packing, lists, camper pick up. I don’t have any meals planned for the weekend so I’m a little stressed about that too lol.

There’s a super nice waterfall at the park we’re staying at and good hiking to some beautiful falls very close by. We’re hitting up some historical stuff and I’m just so excited. Hiking is my jam. Nature is my jam.

I’ve seen that thing that’s like, “I’m not outdoors, I’m outsidey.” I relate bc I do enjoy the comforts of the indoors and summer outside just isn’t it.

But if I could hike the mountains constantly to see breathtaking falls and views… that’s what I’d do. And that’s what we’re doing. Hammocks and campers and hiking and camp fires. Just so chill and calm (after all the planning lol).

Happy Thursday, Friends.

I had my final counseling session today. At least for this season.

It was bittersweet. It’s so comforting to have that safety net there. But I have tools now and I’ve grown so much in the last 8ish months. I have to take what I’ve learned and make it happen on my own.

Things I’ve learned:

Anyways. It’s a bit of a bittersweet emotional day. Someone who I’ve shared super deep parts of me with is just… gone. And I know that’s her job. That’s what she was there for. I’m so thankful for having her for this time… and to know she’s still there if I can no longer go it “alone” (though I’m never alone).

Happy Tuesday, y’all.

I think our washer is crapping out 😭😭😭

I’d rather not spend a trillion dollars on a new washer, thanks. Please get it together appliance.

I have “justice” personality. I am an enneagram 6 for sure. An ISTJ, if you do Meyers Briggs. Private, rule follower, justice. It’s just who I am.

So I struggle a lot with forgiveness when I don’t feel like the person has done anything to deserve it— no apology, no repentance, whatever. (I know I’ve written about my struggle with forgiveness.)

But this message at church a couple weeks ago really convicted me of this and it’s been in my mind a lot. The majority of the message was your general “what forgiveness is/isn’t” message. Always a good reminder.

But the ending got me. The vulnerability of the pastor to admit his moments of rage and anger, his struggle with forgiveness, resonated with me so much.

So much so that a key verse in my life has become Roman 12:19. It’s a reminder that God has seen the wrongs committed against us. Revenge isn’t meant to come from me. I’m not the ultimate judgment call, God is. That’s a struggle for me bc I like to know the results. I like to SEE the justice. As terrible as it sounds, I like to know that the person who caused me so much pain and strife has actually felt that same pain and strife. That’s why it’s a struggle.

“Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, “I will take revenge; I will pay them back,” says the Lord.” Romans‬ ‭12‬:‭19‬ ‭NLT‬‬

He saw it. He knows what they did. He sees my response. He will take care of it.

And I have to have faith in that. They’ll have to answer for their sins one day, just like me.

I’ve been friends with this girl since I was a kid. We lost touch for a while but reconnected via fb or IG a couple years ago. We’ve been sending voice messages back and forth for a while.

Girl is nice. She’s married to her high school sweetheart, has one kid (3yo girl), and is a SAHM. Cool. Relatable.

However, she’s unsure of herself. Which is fine, totally. But I think we’ve gotten back to the point that this friendship has run its course for this season of life.

At one point she was searching after God— asking me questions about church, attending occasionally, desiring that relationship with Christ, stuff like that. Awesome. I’m here for you.

Then suddenly she’s on the “I believe in God but…” train with things that totally contradict the being of God. I speak and give advice from the lens of “God is real, Jesus is the messiah” always. I could feel her start to pull back. Totally fine. I always prefaced with “you’re welcome to believe whatever you want, but if you’re asking my advice I’m going to give it from this lens”, ya know?

Now she’s strayed even further. Again, her choice. But I can tell by the lack of depth in her side of the conversation that she doesn’t want that side of me.

Again, totally fine. Do you. But I cannot just leave off the biggest part of my life because it’s not for you. You can do whatever you wish and believe whatever you wish, but I also have the same right. I feel as though she feels like I’m just preaching (obviously I’m not BUT when you don’t want that kind of word/advice/whatever, you tend to feel negatively about all of it).

All that to say— I’m not interested in surface level. I fully believe some people are just in our lives for a season, and maybe she came back into my life for a season so we could learn from each other. That’s totally wonderful. I just don’t feel like investing my limited time and resources into someone who I feel doesn’t want that investment. Ya know?

So, all that to say— it’s ok to let friends go. Not all friendships are forever, not even the ones you’ve had since childhood. We all grow, change, and move on. Sometimes that’s without each other.

Oof. I’m over here thinking I’m good to go, no more counseling for me. I’ll have my last session (for now) on April 9 and be good to go.

And then today I’m like “idk I really wish I could see Tiffani this week bc ya girl needs some help processing these feels.”

So maybe I’m not ready to kick the counseling bucket just yet.

I haven’t been since February 27th and felt good about that. Then she cancelled last week. And I cancelled this week. And she’s off next week. And now I’m like “maybe I can email her some of my journal thoughts” 😂😂😂😂

2023 me would have never. I’ve come a long way lol.