i deleted all of those venty posts because looking back on them, it just seems very victim complexy to me and im trying to steer myself very clear of that because i know very well im not the victim of anything going on here

i haven't posted here in a while as some people might've noticed and the reason is that i just don't feel safe or comfortable on this blog. i feel anxious when im on this blog and it's just not good for my mental health idk if i'll make another post here after this one

but christmas is tomorrow and

i just wanna say a final thank you to everybody who's followed me here. you've watched me grown up a lot in the year i spent on this blog and watched me do things im proud of and things im definitely not so proud of. you all watched me learn from my mistakes and lead myself to the path of becoming a better person. it means a lot that some of you still follow me because i know i said some bad stuff. i had insecurity issues and made fun of people to push myself up, something i didn't realize until recently. i was a bully and was the exact thing i hated. and it seems like more and more people on this site are becoming like that but i know they'll learn from it too because we all learn and deep down, we're all good people, i wanna think.

every one of you is an amazing person with your own amazing talents. we're not all perfect and we all often make mistakes but no matter what, there's at least one person who'll still love you. it's a tough world, out there and online but we all push through every single day and deal with people we don't like, things we don't like, and things that people say that we don't like. we're all strong and we grow from this every day and it shapes us into a better, more wise person. don't dwell on bad things you've done in the past and don't listen to those who try to make you feel bad about yourself. i know it's hard and im still having trouble with it but the days i don't have trouble with it are the days i cherish.

we're all good people so don't forget that

 i feel like i should keep you guys updated on my progress anyways

i went to church with my aunt last night and coincidentally today’s sermon and verses were about depression and sinning and feelings of worthlessness. my aunt doesn’t know anything about how i’ve been feeling lately, she just knows that i’ve been interested in religion lately

and during the sermon, at the end, the pastor (WHO WAS SUPER HOT BTW BUT THATS NOT NEITHER HERE OR THERE) prayed for god to give strength to those who are feeling depressed or worthless and asked god to heal them

and when i got back home… i felt so much better. like, i felt a huge wave of relief wash over me. suddenly everything felt better. idk if this is just gonna be another super happy day again or if this will last but i don’t wanna think it’s a coincidence and you can laugh at me all you want about this religion stuff but it makes me feel so much better.

i think women who say "i can't get into f/f pairings because im not a lesbian" don't really realize how problematic that statement is until somebody tells them though. i didn't until lots of people (months later) said this was bad shipping is about the chemistry you see between two people, whether you're into that gender or not. you don't HAVE to start writing fics and headcanons for them but just a simple "yeah they're pretty cute together i can definitely see it" is good! that's what shipping is.

THAT FUCKIN EPISODE ENDED ON A CLIFFHANGER HOW DARE YOU DO THIS TO ME THAT'S NOT THE SOUTH PARK I KNOW

eric cartman's commentating window to the principals office please

trey... what are you saying about michael jackson right now.......

randy i never ever wanna see you do that again

notice how nicki minaj is actively staying out of this fight bc she knows better than to deal with dumb drama like that

can't believe cartman is actively aiming for the d

now im gonna go on youtube tomorrow night and it's gonna be a bunch of people commenting over them hanging out with their friends smh