The first funny bitch was Cain, who straight up lied to God after killing his brother.

God: where’s Abel?

Cain: fuck if I know??? I’m not in charge of him

It is TRAGIC that you can’t read this in the original Hebrew.

God:  Where’s the Sheepkeeper?

Cain: Do I LOOK like a Brotherkeeper? 

God: hey where’s Abel???

Cain:

Me, the bitch from the 1300s

Euthanize me

My gf’s cat, Potato. The SPCA said her fur was really matted when they got her. The day she brought her home and 5 months later. From french fry to tator tot.

late 1800s woman writing a letter: “jacob i long to feel your throbbing cock against my leg” 

same woman, the next day: “oh Edith, I wrote a drunk letter to Jacob last night although we ended our courtship recently! thank heavens I did not send it!” 

I really am crying

x

Finn Wolfhard dragging James Charles on twitter

IT was amazing

James Charles is just mad that he didn’t get cast as Pennywise 

Say what you will about the Ewoks but they’re the only people in the galaxy who have handrails on their bridges and stairs.

The Empire calls them primitives but the Ewoks have OSHA regulations and the Empire doesn’t so who’s really more primitive here?

i’m soooo sick of period/western/fantasy films that feature graphic violence against women for literally no reason other than they can

“that’s just how things were back then!!” ok so where’s the dysentery?? the body hair? poor dental hygiene? syphilis?

or do these things not give u a boner???????