mrs. bloom

“Compulsion is a way of life,” Will softly said, his smile feeble as he looked down at her. “I know that we’re meant to grasp at people in times of desperation, and maybe in that moment, on that night, I was the one you were supposed to reach for…however brief. But I know that in my heart, it was always more than reaching for me.”

Releasing a breath, Will opened the car door for her and nodded once, keeping his eyes averted toward the asphalt. “I do trust you,” he softly assured her. “I always have.” Alana’s comment on stability caused him to breathe a soft, husky laugh. “I can’t argue with you there, Dr. Bloom – I do need something stable. In between Abigail’s disdain, Lounds’ column, and Jack’s constant pushing, I really don’t have much else to hold on to anymore. No one except you.”

Will finally lifted his eyes then, sparing her a weak smile. “I’m accustomed to settling for friendship, Alana. Most people are scared of me – they don’t understand the way my mind works – so I’ve had to straddle the platonic line on many an occasion.” He shook his head. “I’m not trying to guilt you…I’m just stating a fact. I represent the thin line between man and monster, and that can be…kind of lonely.” He chuckled to hide the ache, embarrassed by the melancholic purging.

“I’m sorry,” Will said after a moment. “I’ve ruined the morale for the evening, haven’t I?”

Alana found it difficult not to touch Will; she wanted to reach out to him, to hold his hand or reach up and caress his cheek, or kiss him. Yet she couldn’t bring herself to do any of those things, for it wouldn’t be right. She’d only confuse him and she’d only confuse herself. But if not for that car door separating them, maybe she would have reached out and touched Will...

“You haven’t ruined anything,” she said and smiled back at him as if returning the gesture could make him feel better. But if she were being honest with herself, she didn’t know how to make Will better. She didn’t even know if she could. All she was certain of was that realistically she couldn’t be Will’s lover. Like him, she couldn’t shut off her mind and she couldn’t shut off her professional curiosity. It wouldn’t be fair to him, she thought.

“In fact, nothing sounds better than cozying up by your space heater,” she said and chuckled, noting her breath in the air. “I’m freezing.”

“Well, you would know,” Will agreed. “Though hasn’t it been proven that Freud was a sexist hack?” He chuckled as he pulled out his car keys. “Perhaps you’re right…perhaps that was a bit Freudian. When it comes to my intentions, sometimes I’m not quite as in tune to them as my mind.”

And that was the way he preferred it. Being in tune with his mind meant many a number of agonizing, horrific consequences. He’d had to recreate far too many deaths to comfortably indulge in self-introspection.

Though coy, Will couldn’t help but feel shamed by Alana’s question. “I would never force what you’re unwilling to give,” he softly assured her. “I know that you feel we’re not compatible – I may not agree with your assessment, but that doesn’t mean I won’t respect your wishes. When I say it’ll just be me, you, the dogs, and a bunch of cheesy VHS tapes, that’s exactly what I mean.” He opened the door for her. Expression soft and filled with regret, he added, “I care for you. You’re the only person I truly trust these days, and I’d love the company. But if my recent overstepping of boundaries has made you wary, I won’t begrudge you the chance to walk away.”

Alana allowed the car door to separate them and she stared up at Will and decided she wanted to kiss him again, there in the parking lot of the university underneath the street light. She didn’t, of course, for then she wouldn’t be taking her own advice, but Alana could no longer deny that the desire was there. I don’t agree much with my assessment either, she thought and sucked in her bottom lip. “I overstepped some boundaries too, Will,” she said and looked down at the flowers in her arms again. “I confused you; I said I could only be your friend, and then I kissed you.” 

Then I rejected you.

“I want to be your friend, Will,” she said and noted his hurt expression. “-- I want to be someone you’re certain you can trust.” Alana wished she didn’t have to reject his romantic overtures and dismiss her feelings, but it was in their best interest that she did. After all, a friend might notice something a lover would miss. Or vice-versa, she thought but knew she couldn’t risk being distracted. “You need something stable in your life, Will and I think I could be that. As long as I remain your friend.”

↖The Mun of this Blog has a completely healthy RP Mind...