if I were a jedi i’d also want black robes, it may signal my downfall but man I just can’t do beige

*acts clueless but actually knows what’s going on at all times*

[walks around with an entire big mac in my mouth but never actually biting down] It’s a metaphor, see: you put the killing thing right between your teeth, but you don’t give it the power to do its killing.

you took this from a fault in our stars augustus does the same thing only with a cigarette ok ok

i don’t know what you’re talking about this is an excerpt from my upcoming 100% original novel “the fart in our stalls”

college is, like, really important. but if you don’t do well, remember you can still get paid to run a tumblr for a restaurant.

we’re finally unlocking the dennys admin’s backstory

sorry this tweet is just Very Good and im glad

@littenette

mailman: *tries to put mail in my doors mail slot*

me: *shoves my sword through and goes for the knees*

the groot gatsby

old sprout

I don’t even care that I already reblogged this because seriously, how is this not a masterpiece painting hanging in the Smithsonian? Everything about this photo just says Romanticism to me

Let’s go Home

Thanks to Stranger Things every little girl going through Chemo has a killer costume idea this year.

THIS IS SUCH MOTIVATION

there is literally nothing worse than accidentally eating a really soft grape

MAYBE EXCEPT YOU WHOLE FAMILY BEING MURDERED IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE

have you ever eaten a soft grape

People born in 2016 will probably be alive to see the year 3000

Okay I’m not that great at math but I’m pretty sure this is wrong