Hello!

but what if a vampire drank the blood of someone who was anemic like would they be seriously grossed out

“what the fuck is this”

“i have anemia”

“can you take something for that you should probably take something for that this shit is nasty to drink let alone have running through your body i’m setting up a doctor’s appointment for you”

“dude really you don’t have to just leave what the fu—”

“you disgust me here take these iron supplements”

“where did you even get th—”

“shut up and take your pills and dont forget your vitamin D”

“i’m going to check up on you weekly to make sure you’re taking them”

“that’s not necessary”

“maybe we should work on a dietary plan with foods rich in iron and other things for you”

“do you get this involved with all of your meals”

VAMPIREDUDE: did u get the cookbook i orderd 4 u

ME: Oh my god, first of all stop using text speak, you told me you were 278, second how did you know where I LIVED, third yes I got it.

VAMPIREDUDE: heard onions were good 4 blood, eat lots

ME: So you can have a tasty meal? I guess you’d rather I stay away from garlic, huh.

VAMPIREDUDE: UR being v rude I just got u a present!!!

ME: THE COOKBOOK IS CALLED “HOW TO TASTE DELICIOUS,” I AM CALLING THE COPS

#sounds like the begining of a beautiful friendship #gimme this sitcom

The Sun will go down eventually!

I love an overprotective vampire threatening their charge/food source with the line “the sun will go down eventually!”.

I love Scottish Twitter I’m never gonna stop watching this.

https://twitter.com/bloodyalbatross/status/1029490577321218055?s=19

This is so beautifully timed, though.

Amazing. I love scottish Twitter and demand 100 of these.

saint bernard puppy chasing a gopro

When I first saw GoPros in the stores, I thought, “What the hell would anyone need that for?” Now I see.

honestly the only thing i care about today

THE LOVE HE DESERVES

Shoutout to all the forgettable but nice enough girlfriends/boyfriends in romantic comedies who had their marriages CANCELED and had to deal with emotional recovery after assumed months of planning because some former flame or old friend who does quirky shit like collecting their Snapple fact lids came back into their fiancé’s life for two days

Supportive / insurrection Mcgonagall is my favorite. Also still firmly believe that Umbridge is way worse than Voldemort.

More HP goodness on my Patreon!

a concept: future jake and amy having a kid BUT amy goes into labour on halloween and jake has to figure out if amy is cheating him out of the heist or if he’s actually about to have a kid

bold of you to assume she didnt plan to get pregnant exactly 9 months before halloween so that its actually both

bold of you to assume it wasnt jake who planned to get her pregnant exactly 9 months before so she’d be thrown off by contractions

bold of all of us to assume Holt didn’t pick an exact date to compliment them both so they’d have validation horniness so that jake AND amy were in disadvantage during the heist

Whenever I come across a trainee in customer service (like a cashier, or a sales rep), there is usually a senior/experienced employee with them doing the training and they always apologise for the trainee. “Sorry, they’re learning.” And I always respond with, “That’s good! We all have to learn.”

Even when I got a new phone and had to wait five hours for them to process the purchase (it was on a contract so there were a lot of forms and regulatory steps to finalise), when the trainee went to the back and I was alone with the store manager, I made a point in how impressed I was with the trainee’s performance. The relief on her face was prudent and they were extremely grateful for my patience.

We don’t discourage children from learning. We don’t lambast them when they can’t perform a task that an experienced person can do. Humans aren’t born with the inherent ability to work a credit card facility. We are born to learn and develop skills that help ourselves and each other.

The only decent thing we can do is be patient and encourage each other to become the best at what we do.

This is so important

Hemingway wishes he could

Thor took groot as an elective which means growing up he was the rare combination of nerd and jock and idk why people are surprised i mean the boy talks astrophysics wirh bruce 7 phd’s banner like its nothing and when he drops down to earth which clique does he immediately join? Not shield!! Not the avengers!! Some podunk star scientists out in the middle of nowhere on an extended camping trip like!! Whilst loki was painting his nails to match his cufflinks, thor was studying foreign languages as he benchpressed heimdall. Thor isnt your garden variety jock he’s a bookworm jock, easily found stargazing or doodling in his moleskin journal

Loki: Why you would want to talk to sentient trees? Thor: Why wouldn’t you? They are sentient trees!!

THIS IS SO IMPORTANT I’M GONNA DO THIS TOO

Omg yes!!

I had this exact experience. I worked in a bookstore and although the sci-fi/fantasy section was filled with books I’d read, I had to admit to a customer that I hadn’t read LOTR. 

Her eyes got wide and she gave me a big smile and said, “Oh! I’m so jealous of you! I wish I could it read it again for the first time.”

And yes, I read LOTR ASAP after that.

if you want to ask a bisexual or asexual person about their sexual history to verify that they’re queer, but you don’t want them to take it the wrong way, try this useful communication technique:

give them twenty dollars and go away.

As a bi person, I can attest to the beneficiality of this method.

As an ace i second that^

if twenty dollars doesn’t work for you then forty dollars is also fine

I spent all day doing sidequests instead of progressing the main story

I know you’re talking about a videogame but this is actually a really good metaphor for my life

me: I’m going to go to bed early

me:

Coco (2017)