The Signs As Supernatural Quotes

Cancer: “I lost my shoe.”

Gemini: “I’m not a witch, I’m a nerd, & I know all the great centers of nerddom.”

Scorpio: “Son of a bitch!”

Capricorn: “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a little hell to raise.”

Aquarius: “You two at best are functional morons.”

Pisces: “I don’t understand that reference.”

Virgo: “Don’t ask stupid questions.”

Sagittarius: “Come on Sam, pay attention to me I’m boorrred!”

Aries: “Get the hell off my property before I blast you so full of rock salt, you crap margaritas.”

Libra: “I can’t fight, I can’t walk, but I can do something.”

Leo: “I think I’m adorable.”

Taurus: “What kind of house doesn’t have salt?! low sodium freaks!”

@safetypinnedsammy |

we waited outside the photo ops room to see him and mark leave and he said hi to me! excuse my crazed face bc i was literally imploding

I hope the Nintendo theme park thing has a smash bros area where I can literally just beat the shit out of someone irl

snakes cant do trust falls so how do they know who their real friends are

Same endearing smile.

me if I was American 

I fucking love Alaska

my mum showed me a tv show she likes where boyfriends are put in charge of organising their weddings and the girlfriends are sent away and not allowed to give input so it’ll be a surprise and like, the majority of the episodes turn out with the woman being weirded out and sometimes even unhappy with the results?? and im just there like, do these people know each other?? do straight couples actually have conversations and get to know each other before they get married because this is heavily suggesting otherwise

its called don’t tell the bride and anyone reading this should really watch it bcos every episode is a mess

Today, at the dentist, I was getting my teeth cleaned. Looking up at his nose, I saw runny snot dripping onto his lip. I tried to slowly move away. He told me “Stop!” The movement of his lips caused the snot to fall right into my mouth. FML

College Confession #6

My roommate is a dance major, and doesn’t quite understand boundaries. She came back to our dorm after dance one day, stripped completely naked, laid on the bed and spread her legs, telling me “I’ve been in spandex all day, I need to air out my vagina”. All the while I was sitting in bed reading a book. 

-Florida Southern College