no kings for a captain

Can you imagine suing Boeing and coming home to find Boeing's faulty plane parts washed up in your backyard?

GIRLS!!!!!! gather roung. we are looking at this pillbug

Andy Serkis' Tom Bombadil just makes me think of the King from the CD-I Zelda game

I'm ready to reach into this audiobook and smack Frodo for asking Tom Bombadil who he is because if he sings that goddamn song one more time--

Therapy is risky because sometimes they'll just ask you their standard "why can't you, though", and you think you're making some good point by saying something like "well if I don't do anything with my life then what's the point of being alive in the first place" and your therapist gets that look on their face and you immediately realise that your dumb ass just got caught, pinned to the ground with your stupid-ass neck between the spikes of a pitchfork, and you are not going to wiggle out of there before you two unpack what the fuck you just said.

“omg you’re so creative. how do you get your ideas” i hallucinate a single scene in the taco bell drive thru and then spend 13 months trying to write it

I’m thinking about how my grandma had this guy who was super into her, enlisted in the army and sent her pictures of himself laying on his bunk staring at her picture moodily. She was not into him in the slightest. But it’s the funniest fucking picture of all time. Teenagers do not change. He’s someone’s Pappaw now. That’s crazy to me. He probably thinks of my grandmother as the foxy one that got away.

The fact that she kept it for 58 years is even funnier. I was like “Who the hell is this?” and she let out an exasperated sigh and was like “That was [NAME]. He was in love with me.” Feelings very much not reciprocated for soldier boy.

I think this incident is so funny to me because it reminded me of girls my age screenshotting cringy conversations with horrible horny men and posting them in the group chat for everyone to see. I think of all those extremely horny and verbose historical love letters in museums dating back as long as humans have been able to write. I wonder if there was a caveman who made cave art to impress a possible mate but it was so bad she made a point of visiting the cave every year to show her friends and laugh at it.

Before my grandmother passed away, we were going through some old pictures and there was a man there that I had never seen before in a photo with my grandmother and then another photo of this man in a military uniform. I asked her who it was and she laughed, and said "Oh! That's a boy I knew in school! He wrote to me when he joined the service." She then leaned in conspirator style: "He would tell people I was his girl so they would leave him alone. He had a boyfriend you know." My grandmother was someone's beard back in the day.

That last addition made my day.

a review from the cispontine end of london bridge, 8th of april 2023

"ohh what if my kid starts identifying as a CAT because of the trans agenda we have to prote—" well they've always done that. do you remember the psychological effects of h2o on young girls. of warrior cats on autistic children. i believed i was a demigod because of percy jackson. twilight came out and kids were telling their friends they were secretly vampires. this is just a thing kids do. worry less

Guess who finally got a library card and gained access to Libby and is now going to get bedtime stories for the next month because I borrowed the Fellowship of the Ring audio boooook

Okay so it's probably been...15ish years since I last read Lord of the Rings. (Something something gifted kid with a reading hyperfixation to burnt out late diagnosed ADHD adult pipeline) I'm only in the 3rd chapter so far BUT things I've noticed now as an adult that I didn't the first few times around as a kid:

bad kidz cool kidz

misc music stamps

I saw this question posed on tiktok, but I think Tumblr would really enjoy it too.

If a fae creature offered to give one million dollars for a bone chosen at random, how many bones would you allow them to take?

Light clarifications; The fae is not the one choosing the bones. The bone is taken at random. Each bone, no matter the size or importance, is worth a full million dollars. You must also declare the exact number first, you can't go bone-by-bone. You either say 2 or you say 10, you can't work your way up to a higher number. The bones are removed instantaneously, and the money is given immediately as well. You will not get in government trouble for acquiring the money.

Tell me in the tags/replies how many bones you'd let the fae take. And as always, reblog for bigger sample size.

if you want to test your luck, this site lets you choose a random human bone :) https://randomlistgenerator.com/human-bones