everyone's favorite piece of trash

lawyer walks into the court room with their briefcase but it's this

I see there's been misunderstanding.That's the lawyers assistant.The actual lawyer is the one being carried in the briefcase.

a common mistake your honor

lil buddy practices bird law

cats will be like oh you're walking somewhere? no WE'RE walking somewhere. and i will get there first. where is 'there' btw

Vaso di Fiori, Giuseppe Sobrile (Italian, 1879–1956)

going insane over the prospect of casual intimacy. like taking a bath together and sitting in between their legs while they wash your hair, press soft kisses to your cheek, neck and shoulders. just leaning your head back into the crook of their neck and relaxing as they hold you and trace lines across your skin.

I will slip through the space between your cells and enter your body and I won't be identified as a threat because I'm making out with your white blood cells (I call them babygirl) then when you least expect it I crawl into your brain and then I freak it

I made this post about myself but I accidentally perfectly described how the rabies virus works

new uterine lining just dropped

affirmations for when you have to send emails

can i play w yr hair in a bro way

sit in my lap in a bro way

the “affirmations” the official shark week instagram posted are really funny. like yeah Mecore tbh

I love furries, marijuana, autism, schizophrenia, abortion, vandalism, shoplifting, Molotov cocktails, free healthcare, adderall, and gay sex

I also love squatting, kink, psychedelics, benefit fraud, sex changes, riots, chosen families, more abortion and more gay sex.

oh so now I’m “gay” just because I have a lot of gay thoughts and gay feelings?

me when i was straight in 7th grade