findsupplier reblogged
“that’s crazy we have that brother connection too!” “yeah!”
“ yeah well ... you know what’s NOT cool? your .... MOMMA! ” yep. he just went there. CLEARLY he’s out of comebacks ... this’ll have to do.
findsupplier reblogged
“Take it up with the director of the FBI,” She shrugged. “Trust me, you wont want this case.”
“If I had the time to take out of my day to run the test, I’d tell ya who was here first. But I don’t. Chao.”
“ what the FUCK does puppy chow have to do with anything right now?? ” he doesn’t have time for this foreign language shit!!!! “ yeah well -- maybe i DO want this case. you don’t know me!! ”
findsupplier reblogged
Straight White Boy Problem #943
one of my friends has been going through some rough shit asked me a couple weeks ago “what is the point of life? What’s the purpose?” i was kinda thrown off because I don’t deal with philosophy and I didn’t have an answer. after sitting on it for a couple weeks, I came to the conclusion that we go through life trying to find a purpose, trying to accomplish things, learning, but also trying to make an impact on other people ….. and then I ripped a loud fart and cracked open a gatorade
findsupplier reblogged
“Hey, when there’s a kitten caught in a tree, I’ll call ya.” She smiled and walked past him and gave his shoulder a friendly pat.
“ uh-- NO. not cool!!! i was here first. my ... FOOT stepped into this crime scene first, so OBVIOUSLY i was here first. ” there’s no WAY he’s gonna take that. he’s already done kitten duty -- and that was so not badass.
findsupplier reblogged
“…”
“Do you even think before you speak?” She whipped her badge out and shook her head. “Either way, I was here first.”
... he’s not even gonna answer that. instead, he fumbles around for his own badge, which should be on his belt somwh-- “ FUCK!!!! ” he BASICALLY shouts it. “ i left my badge at home AGAIN. ” he probably left his brain there too.
findsupplier reblogged
“Hey lets pretend you didn’t just see this crime scene. Sound good?”
because im a fake fbi agent but you dont know im fake so we’re gonna keep it that way
“ orrrr how about i PRETEND like i’m pretending that i didn’t just see this crime scene. but actually i’m not pretending. ” woah, dude. pretendCEPTION. he almost needs a moment to figure out what the hell just came out of his mouth.
“ yo-- what the FUCK did you just say to me?? ori-yagmi???? is that some kinda drug? you got drugs??? ”
listen .... liStEn .... what if jenko and schmidt joined the ghostbusters. can u imagine.
abandonedher // liked ( x )
“ ... because ... doves make you look like a BADASS, that’s why. ”
in all actuality, he has NO idea where the doves idea came from. it sounded cooler in his head, but now he’s just trying to roll with it.
“ i mean, who WOULDN’T want doves flying out behind you?? i totally want doves. ”
findsupplier reblogged
“Man what - what the fuck? Get off’a me, it’s only like a ounce!”
not a SINGLE fuck is given by jenko. not even ONE.
“ one ounce of an extremely FUCKING illegal substance?? do you know how many people die because of ONE OUNCE of this shit?? .... probably a LOT. ”
findsupplier reblogged
old person: oww my neck-
me: MY BACK MY PUSSY AND MY CRACK
findsupplier reblogged
❝You shouldn’t use that word — it’s a slur. Unless you’re GAY, in which case it’s totally fine, my name is Wallace, and I’m available.❞
“ FUCK, man-- look, i am SO sorry. i thought you were one of those guys that has a good sense of humor. we still cool, bro?? ”
it’s an IMPROVEMENT -- back in high school, jenko would’ve NEVER apologized for calling someone a gay slur. but ever since his human sexuality course, he’s suddenly ENLIGHTENED to the discrimination. and he’s TOTALLY not cool with it.
“ brad-- wait ... yeah--- it’s BRAD. ”
still not used to his undercover name && its been like. two whole years.
obsethessed // liked ( x )
“ dude, what– DUDE. what are you doing?? stop– STOPPIT. you look SO lame right now! ”
because holding your hands in front of your mouth like that is one of the most … LAMEST things jenko has EVER seen. he’s SUPER embarrassed right now!!
“ you have the right to... .... ... suck my DICK, motherfucker!! ”