someone explain the jewish holidays to me like i'm 5 years old

Purim: They tried to kill us, we survived. Let’s tell the story, wear silly costumes, and get wasted. (Optional: have a carnival or a play!)

Passover: They enslaved us, God freed us. Remember this via a big ceremony/feast and then don’t eat bread for a week. This is a big one; you’re going to have to clean your house and host all your relatives.

Tu B'Shevat: It’s Earth Day, let’s eat some fruit.

Simchas Torah: We read the entire Torah every year, and we got to the end! Let’s have a dance party and then start all over again!

Tisha B'Av: They destroyed our temples. That sucked.

Rosh HaShanah: Happy New Year! It’s time to ask (and grant) forgiveness for the wrongs done in the past year, pledge to do better, and wish for a sweet new year. And go to synagogue for HOURS.

Yom Kippur: Rosh HaShanah’s somber counterpart. God decides on this day your fate for the next year. Repent your sins, hope for forgiveness, and fast. (And go to synagogue for HOURS.)

Yom HaShoah: Holocaust Remembrance Day.

Sukkot: Harvest festival! Sleep in a hut under the stars.

Shemini Atzeret: Man, I don’t even know?

Shavuot: God gave us the Torah! That was pretty nice of him.

Chanukah: They busted up our temple and tried to forcibly convert us. We responded with guerilla warfare. Let’s eat some fried food. Candles!

So basically the entire Jewish holiday calendar is giving the middle finger to death and high-fiving, with or without various combinations of prayer and foods.

Yup. Or as we say, “They tried to kill us, we survived, let’s eat.”

panicking about school but not doing anything about it

panic! at the school ft. fail out boy

Guess what I’ve been up to!!! That’s right it’s gravity falls related pride art!!! I’ve been working on this for like 3 days because I’m slow as heck at drawing lol. I don’t know if I’ll have time to do the rest of the characters cause I got stuff going on soon BUT IM SURE AS HECK GONNA TRY!! So be excited(?) for that!

whats cooler than being cool?

financial stability

Alright, Alright, Alright !!!!

My energy

im the girl

EAT THE RICH

Who is she I adore her

okay literally who is she why doesn’t she have her own show

her name is dasha nekrasova! 

Some background in her own words:

In an interview with Teen Vogue, Dasha explained what the interview was like. “When I realized I was on Infowars, I was excited because I figured they would say something crazy and funny,” she said. “It wasn’t hard to ‘own’ Ashton because nothing she said made sense or even followed a logical train of thought. I was honestly stunned when she started talking about rats, so a lot of what’s happening with me in the video is sheer bewilderment.”

She also explained her “worms in your brains” comment: “When I said, ‘I just want people to have healthcare, honey,’ one of their reporters said off-camera, ‘That’s what Hugo Chavez said,’” Dasha said. “And when I looked in their eyes, they seemed so sick and crazy, like they had parasites in their brain that were making them say all this stupid, confused sh*t.”

Dasha went on to share why she expressed her support for free universal healthcare, saying, “As an uninsured person, I feel personally victimized by the idea that anyone should be denied healthcare. Poor people shouldn’t get sick and die because they can’t afford to see a doctor, obviously,” she said. She also made a point to distinguish her socialist beliefs from mainstream liberalism.

“When Infowars posted the clip on YouTube, they titled it ‘Liberals Defend Socialism at Bernie Sanders Event,’” she said. “It seems like there is a lot of conservative confusion and conflation of ‘liberal’ and ‘leftist.’

“I’m a democratic socialist and a Bernie supporter and believe in things like wealth redistribution and socialized healthcare,” she said. “I’m not even an especially political or radical person — I read Marx in college, which affirmed my views that capitalism is evil and responsible for many of our social ills, which feels to me like common sense having experienced poverty.”

An Infowars post appears to indicate that the original video of Dasha has been removed. But Dasha wanted to make sure future generations could see her answers.

“I posted the video on my Twitter for posterity,” she said, “and I thought it was funny [that] they took it down because they’re such failures.”

The Princess Diaries (2001) dir. Garry Marshall

The Collector

THE COLLECTOR

My mom has these winnie the pooh salt and pepper shakers on the stove but christopher robin fell over and it looks like he’s having a breakdown while pooh dissociates

The Christopher Robin movie looks great

when ppl try to start shit on your blog

me walking into the grocery store to buy everything bagels

Hohoho! I like this post! If I made it i would have written ginger ale instead of everything bagels but that’s fine that you wanted to make a post about bagels instead of ginger ale this time around I get it

me going back to the grocery store because i forgot ginger ale

Hohoho! What a great post friend! I love the part about ginger ale!!!

The Amazing world of Gumball writers have been unleashed

AND THAT IS THE TEA

THE WAY THEY ALL DO THAT SUCK IN A BREATH THROUGH THE TEETH AND UNFORTUNATE MMM SOUND THE WAY WE DO I’M DYING

Reblog to have something good happen at 1:42 tomorrow